10 Things to Bring to a Gay Pride Parade

 

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If you’re hitting the gay pride parade circuit, you know that regardless of what town the party’s stopping in, you’re in for an incredible time. From the amazing sense of community and the show-stopping live performances to the volunteer opportunities, there are endless reasons we love gay pride festivals — but, like anything else, it’s important to come prepared to get the most out of your experience.

Let’s take a look at the 10 things you absolutely cannot be without when you go to the gay pride parade:

1. Your friends.

Any day is only as good as the people you spend it with, so gather your favourite people and make some memories that will last several long, proud lifetimes. After all, you’re about to see some amazing floats, witness mind-bending dance routines, scout some vendors, gather plenty of swag (including free lube!) and likely close out the day with yummy local food and a refreshing cocktail or two. Pride parades are basically the perfect recipe for an unbeatable time with your friends, so round up your proudest pals!

2. A pride-themed playlist.

Once you have your crew in tow, it’s time to make your way to the gay pride parade. If you’re carpoolin’ it, having a playlist ready to get you pumped for pride is non-negotiable. Picture this: you’re rolling through your favourite city (or a city you’ve always wanted to visit) with your best friends, windows down, blasting “A Little Respect” by Erasure and belting at the top of your lungs. (Or, if synthpop isn’t your thing, you might opt for “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga or the time honored classic, “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross.)

And the best part? Another car pulls alongside you at a traffic light, full of happy people decked out in rainbow, and the driver gives you the thumbs up. That’s because when the gay pride parade is in town, the city takes on a new (rainbow-coloured) light. You’ll probably see a few “Honk for Pride” signs, so make sure to give them the signal while jamming out to your favourite pride anthems.

And most importantly: make sure your friends are singing along with you. It doesn’t matter how out of tune you are today. All that matters is that you’re feeling the love.

3. Your most colourful outfit.

Okay, this one is strictly optional, but how many opportunities do you get to deck yourself out head to toe in every colour of the rainbow, complete with plenty of glitter and copious amounts of rhinestones?

Sure, gay pride parades are about something deeper than all the glitz and glam we associate with the floats, costumes and confetti. They’re about the pursuit of equality and freedom for all — most of all, the freedom to be yourself and love the people you love.

But they’re also about exercising your right to celebrate! The community has been working hard all year and gaining some wins, and now it’s time to let loose and revel in the incredible feeling of community and victory.

So don’t hold back! Paint rainbows on your sneakers, if you’re into DIY projects. If you’re into makeup, now’s the best time to show off the rainbow cut crease eyeshadow look you’ve been spending months perfecting. Dye your hair with as many bright colours as you can get your hands on. Own any rainbow jewelry? Wear it all at once! And make sure you take plenty of pictures.

4. Plenty of water.

Not only are gay pride parades usually held in the summer, but they also tend to involve a lot of moving around, regardless of if that means dancing, keeping up with your favourite float or just going a little crazy (side effects of gay pride parades may include throwing your arms in the air, jumping up and down with excitement and a sudden increase in energy).

In every case, it’s important to keep yourself hydrated. While there will probably be plenty of vendors along the parade route selling bottled water, you can save yourself some cash (and time) by bringing your own — plus, you won’t have to worry about getting stuck in a long line while all your friends are having the time of their lives without you.

It can be easy to forget to drink water, especially if you don’t necessarily feel thirsty, so remember the signs of dehydration: drowsiness, dizziness and headaches are all early clues that your body needs water urgently. If a friend reports these symptoms, make sure to get them a bottle of water, stat!

5. Broad-spectrum sunblock, SPF 30+ or higher.

We have love for all colours of the rainbow, but nobody wants to end up beet red by the end of the day. While you’ll usually be able to find some shade along the parade route, the last thing you want to do is get caught out in the open with no protection from the sun.

You should apply your sunscreen at least 15 minutes before heading outside, and reapply every two hours after that. If you get wet — or if you’re so hot that you’re drenched in sweat — you should immediately towel off, and then reapply your sunblock. (Yes, even if you’re not pale. Yes, even if it’s a little overcast.)

Other indispensable sun essentials? A nice floppy hat will not only protect your face, but can also be decorated in rainbow ribbons, LGBTQ pride-related buttons, flowers, glitter and other colourful accoutrements. A pair of rainbow sunglasses (with broad spectrum UV protection) will keep your eyes safe from the sun’s harmful rays.  

6. Your appetite.

What city is hosting your gay pride parade? If you’re travelling to Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Darwin, Adelaide, Hobart or San Diego for pride, you don’t want to miss out on mouth-watering fish tacos or California-style pizza. If you’re in New York, you’ll be surrounded by countless cuisines from all over the world (not to mention the best Italian in the country). After several straight (or not-so-straight) hours of showing your pride, you can work up a mighty appetite, so don’t forget to enjoy a taste of the town!

Oh, and on a related note: don’t forget to keep some cash on you. Not only will there be tasty nosh, but pride parades are a great way to learn more about a city’s LGBTQ-friendly local vendors (which may not accept credit cards). If you love supporting businesses that support the community, today’s a good day to get your spend on. 

7. A comfortable pair of shoes.

Yes, those rainbow-coloured five-inch heels are gorgeous. Yes, they make your legs look fabulous. They’d be perfect for a night out (provided you have back-up flats), but you’re going to be on your feet for most of the day. Nobody wants to miss a legendary music performance because they had to go home early due to sore feet. Bring your comfiest shoes and get ready for a day with plenty of activity!  

8. A decent-sized tote bag, messenger bag or backpack.

Not only will a good bag help you carry all of your stuff to the parade, it’ll help you carry all of your free swag home with you! One of the best (or worst) kept secrets of gay pride parades is that there’s a ton of free stuff being thrown around. Even if you’re just sitting by the side of the road, you’ll be lucky if you go more than a few minutes without someone handing you something for free.

Speaking of freebies, if you happen to see the Astroglide float at a gay pride parade near you, feel free to wave us over — we’ll be giving out plenty of free lube!

9. Your pride flag, of course!

Okay, we’ve been going on and on about rainbows, but as we all know, there’s more to LGBTQ pride than the standard Roy G. Biv, and “G” isn’t the only letter in the alphabet. No matter what your sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression, pride parades are for you. So bring your most authentic self, and don’t forget your flag!

Today’s the day to break out your pink, blue and white striped trans pride flag, or your magenta, purple and blue bisexual banner. Maybe you’re blazing black, gray, purple and white for asexual pride, or yellow, blue and magenta for proud pansexuality. No matter your colours, go forth and be represented. 

10. Your sense of pride.

More important than anything else on this list (or, at the very least, tied with water and sun protection) is your pride. Your pride in yourself and how far you’ve come in your life journey, whether you’re gay, straight, trans, genderqueer or questioning. Your pride in the shared community for achieving such great things — and this year, there have been plenty of victories. Your pride in your friends, who are standing alongside you cheering on everything LGBTQ. Your pride in your partner, your family. There are just so many good things to celebrate today.

It’s your day. So live it up.

Everything You Need to Know About Outdoor Sex

The summer season is in full swing and just about everyone is heading outdoors. From sangria on a rooftop patio to late-night bonfires on the beach, our favorite experiences are further enhanced by the great outdoors. Sex, of course, is no exception. But before you take your lovin’ al fresco, check out our tips for getting down and dirty in the summer heat.

Try the standing doggie position.

Whether you’re on the beach, in the woods, or way out in the desert, this versatile position helps to keep the sand, dirt and dust farther away from your most sensitive body parts. The partner in front can lean up against a tree or bend over and hold onto their knees for stability.

Pitch a tent.

If the sand, sun or bugs are too distracting, a tent may be the perfect solution. Enjoy all of nature’s sensual beauty — from the soft breeze to the sounds of the forest — without the full exposure.

Get wet.

Don’t let the rain get you down. Get outside and enjoy the tingling sensation of cool rain on your hot bodies. If the clouds aren’t cooperating, you can always relish in the challenge of peeling off wet layers of clothing and get creative with car washes and sprinklers.

Dress the part.

You don’t have to strip down completely to enjoy sex au naturel. Go commando or wear drawstring pants to ease access and increase your chances of getting it on outside of the bedroom.

Pack an outdoor sex kit.

You can’t always plan for love on the road, but you can certainly be prepared. Throw a blanket, natural insect repellent and lube in your boot uat the start of the season just in case the mood strikes you while you’re on the road. Comfort is key to any sexual experience, so if an extra blanket or baby wipes will help to put you or your lover at ease, toss them in your kit.

Have sex on a balcony.

It doesn’t get much hotter than sex above the crowds and beneath the glow of moonlight in the city. Balcony sex offers the best of both worlds: the thrill of exhibitionism and the security of knowing that you can always slip inside if the exposure feels too intense. If you don’t have a balcony, consider requesting an upper level room at a hotel or make use of your back porch — just be sure to turn off any outdoor lighting.

Get all riled up before taking it indoors.

If you simply can’t resist the comfort of your Egyptian cotton sheets, you can still indulge in the thrills of outdoor sex. Go for walk in your neighborhood and slip into a secluded park or lane way for some heavy making out. Touch and kiss your partner beneath their clothing and allow yourselves to get a little randy before retreating to the privacy and comfort of your own home. By the time your get back, you may be so overcome with desire that you forgo your high thread count sheets in favour of the cold floor of your entranceway. 

Check your local laws.

Our fans span the globe from Hobart to Nuuk and we know that laws regarding nudity and sex vary across state lines. No sexual encounter is worth a ride in the backseat of a Police car, so pick locations that minimize exposure and risk. 

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The Top 4 Best Natural Aphrodisiacs

Throughout history, the quest for the perfect libido boost has rivaled the Holy Grail and the Fountain of Youth in terms of demand. Let’s face it: in the beginning of a relationship, the newness is sexy in itself, but it sometimes takes a bit of work to make LTR or married sex hot and exciting.

Purported aphrodisiacs have ranged from the silly (oysters, anyone?) to the downright dangerous (Spanish fly can kill you. Not worth it.) And while there are plenty of pills that promise to get you in the mood, you don't always know what you're getting — and unfortunately, there aren’t a ton of options for women in that department.

So what can you do if you want to get down, but your libido is slacking off? If you’re looking for a prescription-free sex drive boost, these four natural aphrodisiacs will help do the trick, without making you sick. 

1.  Hit the gym.

This is one natural aphrodisiac that will benefit your life both in and out of the sack. Getting in a good workout can help your sex drive in multiple ways. First, movement helps to stimulate blood flow all over your body, and blood flow to your downstairs is an important aspect of the sexual response cycle. Secondly, those feel-good endorphins you get after a great run or lifting session can help reduce any stress that can stop your libido dead in its tracks. 

Plus, the added confidence of watching your muscles grow can inspire you to be bold in the bedroom, showing off your skin, striking sexy poses and trying new, more physically challenging moves. LTR or married sex starting to bore you? Switch it up with some acrobatic positions.

One more thing: if you go right from the weight bench to the bedroom, you can benefit from the increase in testosterone you can get from a heavy bench press or squat. Testosterone can raise libido in both women and men, so get thee to a barbell!

2.  Read some erotica.

The brain is your most important sexual organ, so sometimes the best natural aphrodisiac is to jog the imagination. Has it been awhile since your felt that surge of passion that makes sex happen? Try heading over to GoodReads and see what’s highly rated in the world of erotica. If you’re new to sexy literature, the user reviews and genres can help guide you to your next fantasy. Plus, the dialogue can help you level up your dirty talk game, which can also liven things up when LTR or married sex gets dull.

3.  Trade some sexy massages.

Massage isn’t just a great excuse to get your hands all over your partner’s naked bod — it’s also a great natural aphrodisiac. Too stressed to get turned on? The relaxation of a good massage can help you focus more on physical intimacy and less on your work deadlines. Plus, massage stimulates the your nerves, which can lead to sexual arousal in itself, even if you haven’t gone near your partner’s goodies yet.

4.  Break out the chocolate.

Chocolate has long been reputed as a natural aphrodisiac, as it purportedly triggers the brain to produce norepinephrine (which gets your heart racing) and dopamine, a natural pleasure chemical. Unfortunately, the jury’s still out on whether chocolate is as tantalis

ing as some studies promise, but this is one natural aphrodisiac that we’re willing to take a chance on — try taking turns feeding each other some rich dark chocolate in the most seductive way possible. If nothing else, you’re still eating chocolate, and that’s a win in our book.

And once you’ve pulled all the natural stops, lube up! Don’t let a little dryness keep you down when your sex drive is otherwise revved up. Sometimes, just feeling wet — even if it’s from a bottle — can send that signal to your brain that says, “Let’s go.” If you want a bit of extra tingle, a warming lube might be your personal aphrodisiac. If you’re planning a long night, silicone lube is your best friend. Whatever your pleasure, there’s a personal lube for you.

What do you do to get in the mood? What’s your favorite way to spice up LTR or married sex? Let us know.. tweet us @Astroglide_Aust!

Your Erogenous Zone Roadmap

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Erogenous zones are hot spots on the body that tend to be particularly responsive to erotic touch. While the entire body has the potential to be respond as one massive erogenous zone, there are some areas that are particularly sensitive to sexual stimuli. Although these hot spots may vary from person to person (which is why communication is more important than any technique I can offer), research suggests that some areas are more commonly linked to arousal and orgasm.

Experiment with these guidelines and be sure to ask your partner for feedback to chart out your own personal pleasure map that goes beyond the genitals and breasts:

Collarbone 

The clavicle and the shallow grooves above it can be highly responsive to feather-light strokes. The small depressions below it are considered acupressure points that trigger relaxation and this facilitates sexual response.

The Nape of the Neck and Ears

A cross-cultural study of nearly 800 participants found that both men and women rate the nape of the neck and ears as highly erotic with a high “ability to facilitate sexual arousal.”

Philtrum

Philthrum translates from the Latin for love potion and this small groove centered above the lips (just below the tip of the nose) has long been considered a sensual region responsive to breath, gentle kisses and light touch. 

Lower Back

Some women consider their lower backs the most sensitive region of the body and a handful report orgasmic sensations in response to “tickling” of this area.

Inner Thighs

Given the proximity to the genital region, its no surprise that massaging the inner thighs is a turn-on for both men and women. 

The Perineum

This stretch of skin between the balls and the anus may be the hottest spot on his body. Not only can you massage his inner penis through his perineum (also known as the taint and gooch), but sweeping your hands over it during orgasm can produce a rush of pleasure throughout his body as his prostate responds to your firm touch.

The Treasure Trail

The space between the belly button and pubic mound is highly sensitive to light touch and its proximity to the pelvic region encourages blood flow to even hotter spots on your body. Use your breathe or the tip of your tongue to tease your way down to the tip of the pubic mound or stroke your cheeks against this region as your massage the inner thighs. 

Not so erogenous: The Feet

Despite the popularity of foot fetishes and the clear demand for foot rubs in spas and salons around the world, research published in the journal, Cortex, suggests that few people consider their feet erogenous. In fact, the foot rating ranked as low as the knee cap in terms of sexual arousal and pleasure.

Even if you think you know your body, it’s always worth inviting your partner to try to find new ways to excite you. And while you're in the mood for trying new things, why not give a new Astroglide formula a whirl? Get your free sample of our most popular formulas here.

What is the Male G-Spot?

For many men, finding the female g-spot feels like setting out on a journey to uncover the lost city of Atlantis. It may seem like a thing of mystery, but once it’s discovered, it’s definitely worth the hard work. Yet even masters of the female g-spot may not know that men have a special spot all their own — and learning where it is and how to use it could lead to some serious mind-blowing sex.

Where is the Male G-Spot?

Although we can’t exactly draw you a map, we can tell you that the male g-spot is actually the prostate. It’s a gland about the size of a walnut, and it’s located right under a guy’s bladder. Obviously it’d take more than a bit of personal lube to go poking around inside a man’s organs, but don’t worry — you don’t need any special equipment to stimulate your guy’s g-spot. Much like the female g-spot, the male g-spot is about two inches in, and toward the belly. You can also stimulate the male g-spot indirectly from outside the body, by stroking the perineum.
While for many couples, learning how to stimulate the prostate is breaking all new sexual ground, there are some pretty compelling reasons to leave your comfort zone and get frisky with his g-spot.

5 Reasons You Should Learn How to Find the Male G-spot

1. He’ll experience an orgasm like never before.

If you’re a woman who has ever had a g-spot orgasm, think about the first time it happened: how different it felt from any orgasm you’d had before, how intense and even surprising it was. The male g-spot is woefully ignored in so many men, so the first time you go for his prostate, it may be an incredible first-time experience for him.

2. It’s taboo.

Let’s face it: sometimes the greatest pleasures are the ones we deny ourselves, and the male g-spot is the forbidden fruit of a man’s erogenous zones. If your man hasn’t explored that part of his own anatomy — maybe he’s used to being on top — it might be taboo and a bit freaky. And that’s what makes it so hot!

3. Does he have trouble getting it up? Relax and go for the g-spot.

This can be a source of emotional distress for many men, and the causes are myriad. Anything from cigarette smoking, to high blood pressure, to plain old everyday garden variety stress can keep a man from getting an erection. And of course, once you get stressed about not getting hard, that stress keeps feeding into itself, making erection more and more difficult. Any woman who has had to deal with vaginal dryness can probably relate!

Unfortunately, while an aroused woman with vaginal dryness can still get it on with the help of a personal lubricant, it’s not so easy to help a man get hard (unless he’s willing to take prescription medicine and risk a four-hour erection). That’s where stimulating the male g-spot comes in. If you’re both in the mood but he has some performance anxiety, try massaging his prostate. You might find that the sexual arousal from the g-spot love helps him to relax and get an erection.

4. You might uncover kinks you didn’t know you had. 

Learning how to stimulate the male g-spot can be an intensely empowering experience, whether you’re male or female. You and he might enjoy it so much that you incorporate it into other aspects of your sex play.

Consider talking about tying him up in compromising positions, and working g-spot attention into your dominance play (and remember: always use caution when engaging in restraint play, so as not to physically or emotionally injure your partner). If your partner finds that g-spot play is one of his new favourite things, you can consider working your way up to using toys created especially for stimulating the male g-spot.

5. It’s another tool in your toolbox.

Who doesn’t want to be a sexual god or goddess? If you’re the kind of man-loving person who loves learning new things in bed and always sharpening your game, then learning how to find the male g-spot should be one of your top priorities. Will all of your partners want that kind of attention? Maybe not, but it’s always handy to have those skills ready any time you want to ramp your sex life up a notch.

How to  Stimulate the Male G-Spot.

Some guys aren’t even aware of this special spot themselves, so giving a guy’s g-spot some love could not only drive him wild, it could also score you some major points in bed. Of course, like any erogenous zone, there are plenty of ways to have fun with the male g-spot. There are two basic methods you can use: stimulating the g-spot from outside of his body (great for beginners and couples who are squeamish about butt stuff), and stimulating it from inside (a more direct and intense way to reach a man’s g-spot).

From the outside 

The easiest way to stimulate the male g-spot is to press gently on the skin between his balls and anus, known as the perineum (or, more commonly, the taint). Massaging this area during sex or applying rhythmic pressure with your fingers will add to his pleasure. Give this spot extra attention right before he climaxes, and you’ll add some serious intensity to his orgasm. 

From the inside 

For even better access to the male g-spot, you can insert a finger or toy into his anus. This is a bit more of an advanced technique than ticking his taint, so it’s important to take precautions and ensure you don’t hurt him. To give him an internal orgasm that will leave him begging for more, make sure to follow these steps:

1. Discuss your g-spot play and set some boundaries. 

It should go without saying that you don’t want to just stick a finger in there without asking. It’s very common for men, especially straight men, to have hangups about the butt, so make sure you discuss the idea of male g-spot stimulation before you experiment. Set up some ground rules and talk through any worries insecurities he might have. 

2. Trim and file your nails.

For the love of all things sexy, please do not forget this step. Just as nobody wants long or ragged-edged nails scraping the inside of their vagina, it’s important to keep your nails as short as possible and filed to smooth edges before attempting to explore your man’s g-spot. Any cuts inside could get infected, and that’s just about the opposite of how you want your sexy date night to go.

3. Take any hygiene precautions.

Long story short, it’s important that he be clean, and that you be clean. Another issue with long nails is that the e-coli bacteria that often hang around the anus and rectum could get trapped under your nails. Before beginning any g-spot play, you might want to get things steamy with a sexy couple’s shower. If you’re concerned with bacteria, you can use a condom, latex (or hypoallergenic) gloves or a finger cot to stimulate the male g-spot safely.

And take note: if he has any physical issues down there, like hemorrhoids or broken skin, it’s best to postpone finding the male g-spot until he heals up. As with all sex matters, when in doubt, leave it out. 

4. Get him warmed up. 

This is a really good time to start by massaging his perineum, indirectly stimulating your man’s g-spot. Remember, you want him (and you!) to be aroused before you go in. This is sex, not a prostate exam.

5. Lube up.

Unlike the vagina, the anus is not a self-lubricating organ. Make sure you grab a bottle of your favourite personal lubricant and use it liberally.

6. Ease into it. 

Apply some gentle pressure to the outside of his anus and circle it with your finger. Once he seems receptive to entry, gently move your finger in (if this is the first time, it helps to give him a verbal cue so he’s ready for the new sensation).

7. Find that g-spot. 

Gently feel for the walnut-shaped bump with the soft pad of your finger. Remember: just a couple inches in, and shaped like a walnut. Listen for cues from your partner that you’ve found that special spot. Once you’ve found it, that’s where the fun really ramps up.

8. Find what pressure and movement he likes. 

Again, as with the female g-spot, not everyone likes the same kind of stimulation! Make sure you have all lines of communication open as you experiment with different kinds of pressure and touch. It may help to start with a light pressure, and ask him to tell you to stop when the pressure feels perfect (or gets too intense). 

Try rubbing the g-spot up and down, in small circles, in come-hither movements or with a more constant, static pressure. You may find that he enjoys a very particular form of male g-spot stimulation, or that he likes a variety of touch.

9. Get multitasking. 

Once you’ve mastered how to stimulate the g-spot, you may want to add oomph to your prostate massage by using the other hand to stroke his penis, balls, perineum, inner thigh and other erogenous zones. Many men find that the orgasms they experience from stimulation both to the penis and the male g-spot are absolutely explosive.

Ready to Show the Male G-Spot Some Love?

Now that you know how to find the male g-spot and how to stimulate the male g-spot, you’re ready to take your bedroom game to levels you never experienced. Just remember not to let your ego get too big when your partner reports the most incredible orgasms of his life. Or, if prostate massage isn’t his thing, you’ve just learned more valuable information about his body, and that almost always leads to better sex for both of you. 

The OkCupid Worst-Case Scenario Handbook

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but let’s be honest -- not all of them are majestic marlins. Navigating the waters of online dating takes some serious skill, and while you’re angling for the partner of your dreams, you may find yourself in more than a few unsavory situations that no amount of sex lube can help you slide out of. Don’t worry -- we’re here to throw you a lifeline. Take our advice and become the captain of your own dating destiny. Or, you know, at least save yourself from a few OkCupid creeps.

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What to do if you can’t get a reply to save your life.

You’ve uploaded that cool photo of you holding a monkey in Guam. You came up with some passably witty responses to fill out your profile, and you sent out more than a handful of messages to the most promising singles in your postcode. Yet despite all your efforts, your inbox remains empty. What should you do now?

Don’t: lose your cool. If you think confronting non-responsive site members will turn the tides in your favor, you’re sorely mistaken. Accuse users of being rude for not responding and you’re just going to look like a pathetic creep (not exactly the persona you want to cultivate, is it?)

Do: try a new approach. Something you’re doing isn’t working, so switch it up! Ask a brutally honest friend to take a look at your profile and let you know if you’re putting your best self out there. You might be coming across as a total weirdo and never know it! Next, try sorting your search results to show you the newest users first. Singles who’ve just joined OkCupid will be more excited to receive messages and therefore more likely to respond.

Lastly, try keeping your messages short and sweet and relatively innocent (save the mentions of personal lubricant preferences for your first date). Instead, include a question that makes reference to something specific in their profile. For example: “I saw you just moved to the area -- have you eaten at (insert favorite local restaurant here) yet?” Keep it light and friendly and make sure each message you send is unique -- no copy and pasting!

What to do if you stumble upon your ex’s profile.

Don’t: message them to taunt them. Look, you’re both in the same boat, so you don’t really have much room to judge. Seeing someone you know on OkCupid is a bit like running into someone you know at a strip club. You’re both there for the same reason. If you’re not friends, there’s no reason to acknowledge each other. Pretend you don’t see them.

Do: laugh at them behind their back. Let’s be real -- not even Ghandi would be able to deny the opportunity to poke fun at an ex’s online dating profile. The trick is to act like some kind of award-winning nature photographer -- observe the beast without it knowing. Capture the experience. Enjoy later with friends.

To do this, sign up for “A-List.” It’s an OkCupid feature that allows you to visit profiles without the owner knowing, and trust us -- it’s worth the couple extra bucks. Make sure you check off “browse invisibly” in your settings, then head to their profile and enjoy the lols. Make sure you screenshot everything too -- they may stumble upon your profile and block you to save face. Plus, screenshots are easy to share with your friends -- and cackling evilly with a group is just so much more fun than cackling alone. Once you’ve got your screenshots, block them. They’ll never know you were there, you OkCupid ninja you.

What to do if your date looks nothing like their photos.

So you’ve met someone promising on OkCupid. They have a job, they get your 80s pop culture references and as a major bonus, they’re actually really cute. But then you meet them in person and suddenly it’s like someone fed your cute and cuddly Gizmo after midnight. You’re at the Cheesecake Factory with a full-blown gremlin. How should you react?

Don’t: accuse them of trying to “trick” you. Everyone on OkCupid is trying to put their best face forward. And if you listed your body type as “average” when you knew “a little extra” was a lot more truthful, then you don’t have much room to judge. Your shapeshifting date might not even realize how many extra pounds or grey hairs they’ve gained since that college photo, so calling them out on it isn’t necessary -- it’s actually pretty cruel and futile. After all, it’s not exactly going to change the situation, is it?

Do: give them a shot. Unless you’ve been seriously catfished and someone who you thought was a 100 lb woman shows up as a 300 lb man, there’s no harm in having dinner or finishing up a few frames of bowling. Sharing a plate of cheese fries now doesn’t mean you have to share your sex lube later. And who knows? Your date’s killer sense of humor or smart and sassy conversation style might just transform them from a six back into a nine. Attraction is more than skin deep, and if at the end of the date you still aren’t feeling it, at least you had a nice time and scored some positive dating karma for your next adventure.

  

What to do if you develop a cyber stalker.

Don’t: shrug it off. Obsessive messaging may just seem annoying at first, but when those messages turn invasive or downright threatening, you could find yourself in some serious danger. Just because your stalker is separated from you by a few miles of cyberspace doesn’t mean they can’t and won’t turn to irl stalking in the future. This is definitely one of those scenarios where it’s better to play it safe.

Do: report them. To report a user, just click on “report” under their latest cray cray message. Then type out a brief description for OkCupid support explaining exactly why your cyber stalker is crossing the line. You may even want to take screenshots of messages, photos, and their profile for future reference. There’s a chance you may be harassed by this creep in the future, and having an account of their shenanigans can’t do anything but help you when it comes to making future cases to OkCupid staff or (worst-worst case scenario) the local police.

Remember, if the world of OkCupid becomes overwhelming, you can always unplug, change out of your sweatpants and head into the real world to try to meet someone in person. Apparently, people still do that. But if you’re like us and you do everything from pay your bills to buy sex lube online, you know that realistically, you’re not going to give up on online dating that easily. So keep these tips in mind and be ready for anything.

3 Pickup Artist Tips That Actually Work

Pickup artistry bills itself as a sort of dating life hack. Attracting women, according to the pickup artist, is a game, and one you can win if you know the rules. For the type of shy, nerdy heterosexual men pickup artists (or PUA's) are reaching out to, this is an appealing pitch — like a Konami cheat code for becoming the playboy you always looked up to.

Too often, though, pickup artistry borrows misogynistic stereotypes of the woman as both harlot and hard to get, a natural opponent who has to be tricked into following you into the bedroom. It makes you wonder: can anything worthwhile be salvaged from pickup artistry?

As it happens, if you strip away the sexism, you can actually manage to dig up some helpful advice. Luckily, we’ve done the work for you:

1. Dress like the playboy you want to be.

News flash: most women care about how you present yourself. If you’re rolling into your favorite watering hole wearing an old, baggy t-shirt, your hair a mess and your body odor questionable, chances are you won’t be getting sultry glances from across the room.

Pickup artists stress that you should dress and comport yourself like the playboys you see in film. Want an edge on the dating game? Treat yourself to a fancy shave and haircut, and bring your nicest threads to a tailor for a custom fit. No matter what your body shape, a tailored outfit will make you look a hundred times better. While you’re at it, go easy on the cologne. She shouldn’t be able to smell it until she’s close enough to show she’s interested in you.

2. Show some confidence.

Admittedly, this is easier said than done. Anxiety can be brutal, and low confidence can take years of concerted effort to overcome completely. But the good news is that small things can drastically improve your confidence around women — for example, putting on that perfectly tailored outfit we were just talking about. It can also help to keep a condom and some Astroglide water-based lube in your pocket, just for good luck. You might not have the playboy’s effortless charm, but if it took Bond levels of suave to get play, the population would have died out ages ago. Take a deep breath, and be yourself.

3. Open with a more interesting line than, “Some weather we’re having, huh?”

One of the most maligned PUA tricks is called “negging.” Beautifully illustrated in this XKCD comic, negging plays on the idea that manipulating a woman’s self esteem is the first step toward manipulating her to sleep with you. Basically, you walk up to a beautiful woman and open up the conversation by insulting her. Yes, really. If this works the way the books claim, she’ll be intrigued by your high standards, and want to prove herself to you. More often, though, you’ll probably end up with a well-deserved drink in your face (if you roll like a slimeball, be prepared to get treated like one). 

While negging is a deplorable dating practice, it is true that a woman will be more interested in a unique opening line than by nervous attempt at small talk. When the pressure’s off, try writing a few down. Ask your lady friends what works for them. At the end of the night, “Who in this room is most likely to be a double agent?” will be much more memorable than “Sup?”

While this advice may not bring out the playboy hidden inside, it can definitely open some doors you might not have expected.