12 Unique Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship

Sexual chemistry is both a science and an art. As an art form, it requires communication, an open-mind and time to flourish. As a science, however, the chemical changes we experience during lust and love are fairly consistent and can be broken down into two stages: lust/limerence and companionship/attachment.

During the lust or limerence phase of a relationship, your body experiences a flurry of chemical changes as dopamine, adrenaline and serotonin levels spike. Your brain resembles that of a drug user as you experience a natural high from falling in love. Your energy levels increase and your need for sleep may subside as your focus revolves around your new love interest. You’re simultaneously nervous, excited and blissful. Love, in its initial stages, can be blind as you subconsciously fill in the blanks with positive data to supplement the exciting unknown. You don’t notice your paramour’s bad habits and your optimism shines through.

After several months of blind love, couples generally transition into the companionate or attachment phase which is marked by commitment, comfort and security. This phase is associated with the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which are believed to promote bonding and increase during sexual activity and physical affection.

Reigniting the spark in a relationship often involves engaging in activities that remind the brain and body of the lustful phase of love. These activities might create mystery, excitement and even anxiety, but ultimately they result in chemical processes involving dopamine, adrenalin and serotonin. Even the happiest couples find that excitement and sexual desire wane with time, so experiment with the tips below to spice up your relationship (and be sure to also check out our quick tips for maintaining connection and promoting attachment).

1.  Create secrets together. You and your friends may share inside jokes that foster a unique connection, but creating secrets that are just between you and your lover is one way to heighten sexual chemistry.
   
   Slip away at a dinner party for a heavy make out session or try something risky (to boost adrenaline) like sneaking into a park after hours. When you break the rules together (within reason), the shared adrenaline boost helps to rekindle the feelings associated with limerence. I’ve met couples who tap into their naughty sides by sharing dirty little secrets like snooping through friends’ medicine cabinets at parties. Though I don’t recommend this particular habit, I have seen evidence that misbehaving together can keep a relationship exciting.
2.  Make a public declaration of your love. Sometimes, bringing a relationship out into the open can spice things up. Try sending flowers to your partner’s office, or simply embrace them in public.
3.  Do something naked together. Whether you slip away to the lake to skinny dip or simply shed your clothes in the kitchen while preserving fruits on the weekend, the nerves and exhilaration associated with being nude in a vulnerable situation can create a renewed thrill.
4.  Daydream and make plans for winning the lottery. When you first meet, you spend time dreaming of the future and creating (often) unrealistic plans. Tapping into shared fantasies offers a temporary sense of escapism and can boost dopamine levels.
5.  Admire others together. Expressing attraction and admiration for other men and women is normal and healthy. Many couples find that opening up about their natural feelings not only enlivens their attraction to one another, but it also deepens their connection.
6.  Sleep on the other side of the bed. This is just one example of how you can break your routine to reduce predictability and reawaken your partner’s interest. Other examples might include buying new underwear, restyling your hair, playing pranks, changing the way you greet your partner (e.g. picking them up with a bear hug or jumping into their lap) or giving them a new pet name.
7.  Surprise one another with schedule changes. Part of the excitement that you experienced in the beginning was related to the unpredictability of your love interest, but as you build a life together, a certain degree of predictability is both inherent and functional.
   
   You can, however, overdo it. If you always know when something is going to happen, the thrill inevitably subsides, so change things up to surprise your partner. Show up for lunch unannounced, come home early, schedule a late-start, cancel plans to create openings for alone time or skip the gym unexpectedly so that you can have a spontaneous date.
8.  Change one thing in your bedroom every month. Sex in a hotel while on holiday is often hotter and more frequent than sex in your home, so recreate that getaway atmosphere in your bedroom to jumpstart your sex life. Add new pillows, change the color of your lightbulbs, rearrange the furniture, update your sheets, leave your toys out or add hotel touches (e.g. chocolates on the pillow or an ice bucket with champagne) to break the visual monotony of your home base.
9.  Say thank you every morning. Practicing gratitude is associated with improved health, happiness and longevity, but in relationships it also improves intimacy and causes surges in attraction. Try waking up with a “thank you” every morning for the next week. It will change your mood as well as your partner’s. You might thank your partner for their love, their positive outlook, their energy, their parenting, their beauty or their ongoing support, but try to change it up each day.
10.  Sweat together. Try a partnered yoga routine or try a free at-home workout from FitnessBlender.com, a site run by a husband and wife personal training team. Couples who exercise together are more likely to reach their fitness goals and working out boosts hormones that elevate mood, libido and sexual functioning.
11.  Retell the story of your first date. How’d you meet for the first time? Where did you go? How did you feel? Recall the feelings of excitement and anticipation you experienced when you first met – chances are, if you can bring yourself back to that same place, your bedroom might get a little more active.
12.  Go to haunted house, shooting range or amusement park. When your adrenaline gets pumping – especially with your partner – you’re going to probably want to spend that energy. Just try to make it home first!

Nurturing your sense of adventure will help you reignite those powerful feelings and give you tons of new memories to share. Ready to try something new but still aren’t quite sure where to start? Why not ease into things by trying out a new formula of Astroglide? Surprise your partner with your free sample and see where the excitement takes you!