3 Pickup Artist Tips That Actually Work

Pickup artistry bills itself as a sort of dating life hack. Attracting women, according to the pickup artist, is a game, and one you can win if you know the rules. For the type of shy, nerdy heterosexual men pickup artists (or PUA's) are reaching out to, this is an appealing pitch — like a Konami cheat code for becoming the playboy you always looked up to.

Too often, though, pickup artistry borrows misogynistic stereotypes of the woman as both harlot and hard to get, a natural opponent who has to be tricked into following you into the bedroom. It makes you wonder: can anything worthwhile be salvaged from pickup artistry?

As it happens, if you strip away the sexism, you can actually manage to dig up some helpful advice. Luckily, we’ve done the work for you:

1. Dress like the playboy you want to be.

News flash: most women care about how you present yourself. If you’re rolling into your favorite watering hole wearing an old, baggy t-shirt, your hair a mess and your body odor questionable, chances are you won’t be getting sultry glances from across the room.

Pickup artists stress that you should dress and comport yourself like the playboys you see in film. Want an edge on the dating game? Treat yourself to a fancy shave and haircut, and bring your nicest threads to a tailor for a custom fit. No matter what your body shape, a tailored outfit will make you look a hundred times better. While you’re at it, go easy on the cologne. She shouldn’t be able to smell it until she’s close enough to show she’s interested in you.

2. Show some confidence.

Admittedly, this is easier said than done. Anxiety can be brutal, and low confidence can take years of concerted effort to overcome completely. But the good news is that small things can drastically improve your confidence around women — for example, putting on that perfectly tailored outfit we were just talking about. It can also help to keep a condom and some Astroglide water-based lube in your pocket, just for good luck. You might not have the playboy’s effortless charm, but if it took Bond levels of suave to get play, the population would have died out ages ago. Take a deep breath, and be yourself.

3. Open with a more interesting line than, “Some weather we’re having, huh?”

One of the most maligned PUA tricks is called “negging.” Beautifully illustrated in this XKCD comic, negging plays on the idea that manipulating a woman’s self esteem is the first step toward manipulating her to sleep with you. Basically, you walk up to a beautiful woman and open up the conversation by insulting her. Yes, really. If this works the way the books claim, she’ll be intrigued by your high standards, and want to prove herself to you. More often, though, you’ll probably end up with a well-deserved drink in your face (if you roll like a slimeball, be prepared to get treated like one). 

While negging is a deplorable dating practice, it is true that a woman will be more interested in a unique opening line than by nervous attempt at small talk. When the pressure’s off, try writing a few down. Ask your lady friends what works for them. At the end of the night, “Who in this room is most likely to be a double agent?” will be much more memorable than “Sup?”

While this advice may not bring out the playboy hidden inside, it can definitely open some doors you might not have expected.

9 Causes of Vaginal Dryness (And What To Do About It!) When you’re used to having a certain degree of natural lubrication for your lady parts, it can be somewhat unsettling to experience a sudden dry spell down below. You may be asking yourself, is it normal to have a dry vagina? The simple answer is that vaginal dryness is more common than you might think. 9 Causes of Vaginal Dryness (And What To Do About It!) Image The causes of this unpleasant condition, however, might surprise you. To set your mind at ease, we’ve outlined 9 possible causes of vaginal dryness, along with a few recommendations on how you can alleviate the problem. 9. Lack of Arousal Can Cause Vaginal Dryness Let’s begin with the elephant in the room -- lack of arousal. A woman’s body is designed to produce a slippery natural lubrication when she is sexually aroused in order to facilitate the insertion of a man’s penis into her vagina. At least that’s how it’s supposed to work according to the textbooks we read in Sex Ed class. In the real world, women may simply be too distracted -- or perhaps need a bit more warming up than their partner does -- when it’s time to have intercourse. In this case, the solution could be as simple as building up the sexual anticipation with more foreplay. Some women have other triggers, like fantasizing or naughty talk, that help them get going. Untitled Here are three things to keep in mind: A. Just because a woman’s not “wet”, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not aroused (as we’ll explore in the other 8 causes of vaginal dryness below). B. If lack of arousal is the cause of vaginal dryness, an open dialog between partners can do wonders for discovering what will stimulate sexual arousal. The main takeaway? Don’t be shy when it comes to explaining what gets your motor running. C. If the lack of arousal is to blame for vaginal dryness but both partners still want to get to third base, using a personal lubricant is a secure, fun way to kickstart the action. 8. Emotional Stress Can Cause Vaginal Dryness Let’s face it, everyone experiences stress to a certain degree and, in recent years, it’s been linked to an increasing number of physical problems. Many people associate a woman’s tendency to produce vaginal lubrication with her sexual arousal, and when it doesn’t happen it can cause a form of performance anxiety -- akin to the stage fright that makes it hard for some guys to get an erection under pressure (as we mentioned in our previous post, Everything You Need to Know About Personal Lubricants (But Were Too Afraid to Ask)). Performance anxiety aside, any number of outside stressors in a woman’s life can spill over into the bedroom and lead to a dry vagina. While the oxytocin released by the brain during orgasm can be a healthy form of stress release itself, it may take some serious relaxation techniques to get in the mood for sexual activity, if that’s even the goal. Find what helps you unwind, whether it’s yoga stretches, relaxing music, a massage or perhaps a favorite drink. When your mind is feeling less stressed, your body will often follow. If a lack of vaginal lubrication is causing you further stress, take matters into your own hands and use a personal lube like Astroglide Liquid to moisturise your most intimate areas. After all, you’ve got enough on your mind so why not let us take care of the lubrication until your body’s back on track? 7. Douching Can Cause Vaginal Dryness Although less common than it once was, WomensHealth.gov says that in the United States, almost one in four women 15 to 44 years old douche on a regular basis. This is a surprising stat considering studies have not found any health benefit to douching but have found that douching is linked to many health problems, including vaginal dryness. So this one seems simple enough, if you’re experiencing vaginal dryness yet you’re still putting douche up into your business -- it may be time to ditch the douchebags! 6. Smoking and Drinking Can Cause Vaginal DrynessUntitled Sorry party girl, if you want to keep your vajayjay moist and healthy, you’ve got to snuff the butts and chill out on the booze. Why, you ask? According to Laura Berman, in her article at Everyday Health, “Cigarettes can decrease circulation, which could intensify vaginal dryness. Alcohol can decrease your sensations and lead to a dry vagina, so limit yourself to only one or two glasses of wine, especially if you plan on having sex later.” 5. Strenuous Exercise Can Cause Vaginal Dryness Please note the importance of the word “strenuous” here, and keep in mind that regular exercise is actually a key component to maintaining your overall health -- including the health of your vagina. Confused? Don’t be. Just think of how many times you’ve heard the phrase “everything in moderation” and realize that when it comes to avoiding vaginal dryness, intense rigorous exercise has been known to dry a vagina -- at least immediately following said workout. Find that healthy balance so that you’re maintaining your overall health and circulation without causing too much stress on your body. 4. Childbirth/Nursing Can Cause Vaginal Dryness Untitled At first, it may seem surprising to hear that new mothers experience vaginal dryness. After all, the body is creating and discharging so many fluids to aid in the birthing and nursing process during this time, one might think that providing vaginal lubrication would be at the top of mother nature’s to-do list. Not so, say the experts at Parents Magazine. “While you're nursing, your body produces less of the hormone estrogen, which can cause the tissues in your vagina to be thinner and drier than usual. The good news is that things should get back to normal after you wean your baby. Until then, you can use a water-based vaginal lubricant.” What if you’re not breastfeeding but still experience vaginal dryness after giving birth? This could be a temporary hormonal imbalance that your body will regulate on its own. But if you’re concerned or the symptoms persist, ask your doctor for their advice. 3. Medications and Therapy Can Cause Vaginal Dryness Untitled Have you ever wondered why you suddenly had a dry mouth and then remembered that you’ve recently started taking a new medication? The same diuretics and beta-blockers that are helpful in lowering your blood pressure can lead to vaginal dryness, decrease your sexual desire, and make it harder to achieve an orgasm. And blood pressure meds are just one of a long list of pills whose side effects include loss of bodily moisture. In their advice column for patients experiencing vaginal dryness, Chemocare.com states “One of the most common side effects is generalised dryness throughout the body. In women, this will lead to vaginal dryness as well. Vaginal dryness does not mean that the woman is not aroused. The vagina may not be able, due to prior therapy, to become lubricated.” That same post, as well as The American Society’s article, Dealing with sexual problems: Vaginal dryness, suggests using Astroglide to make intercourse more comfortable when dealing with the side effects of some treatments. 2. Menstruation Causes Vaginal Dryness It’s normal for a woman’s hormone levels to dip while she’s on her period. One of the primary hormones responsible for keeping your vagina moist during menstruation is estrogen. When your estrogen levels are depleted, vaginal dryness can be an irritating side effect, especially when it comes to inserting a tampon. One quick fix for this is to apply a small amount of personal lubricant on the applicator to make it easier to slide the tampon in. Better yet, you may want to consider avoiding tampons, which can, by their absorbent nature, dry out the inside of the vagina. Try using a pad instead, at least on days with high menstrual flow. You may want to refrain from wearing panty liners when you’re not on your period, as these can also wick natural moisture away from your most sensitive parts. 1. Menopause Can Cause Vaginal Dryness And finally, at the number one spot, we address the most common cause of vaginal dryness, menopause. According to a report by the Mayo Clinic, “vaginal dryness is a hallmark sign of vaginal atrophy (atrophic vaginitis) — thinning and inflammation of the vaginal walls due to a decline in estrogen.” Some recommend taking oral supplements or applying bioidentical estrogen creams to alleviate the symptoms associated with postmenopausal vaginal dryness. While it’s certainly wise to seek the opinion of your OB/GYN for treatment of severe vaginal dryness or atrophy, many women prefer to use a gentle lube such as Astroglide Gel or Natural Liquid to moisturise their vagina, especially when the main concern is making sex more comfortable. Feeling better about your situation? So there you have it ladies, nine surprising causes of vaginal dryness along with some helpful tips on how to treat your symptoms. If nothing else, hopefully we’ve cleared up some misconceptions and set your mind at ease by explaining how common this issue really is. But wait, there’s more! 3 Bonus Tips to Avoid and Treat Vaginal Dryness As we researched this article to share various expert opinions with you, certain advice stood out above the rest. For example, we love the practicality of Deborah Kotz’s top three tips in her definitive U.S. News & World Report article on the subject, Painful Sex: 6 Ways to Relieve Vaginal Dryness: Untitled ●Stay hydrated. Drinking six to eight glasses of water a day will help keep your tissues moist, including those below the belt. ●Lubricate, and lubricate some more. Many women achieve instant relief simply by using a lubricant. You may need to experiment to find one that works best for you. ●Avoid personal hygiene sprays. Chemicals in these products can be irritating to delicate tissues that line the vagina. No two women are exactly the same, so the advice in this article is meant as a broad overview of common causes for the symptoms described above. The most important thing is to never suffer in silence. Don’t be afraid to talk to your physician about this condition. For that matter, don’t be ashamed to speak with your partner or close friends if you’re experiencing discomfort. We’re all about removing the taboo around health issues, so If you’ve found any remedies that have helped you, please feel free to share in the comment section below. Your personal experience may help alleviate the pain of someone else who feels too embarrassed to ask about one of the most common issues women face, vaginal dryness (feel free to remain anonymous!).

9 Causes of Vaginal Dryness (And What To Do About It!)

When you’re used to having a certain degree of natural lubrication for your lady parts, it can be somewhat unsettling to experience a sudden dry spell down below. You may be asking yourself, is it normal to have a dry vagina? The simple answer is that vaginal dryness is more common than you might think.

The causes of this unpleasant condition, however, might surprise you. To set your mind at ease, we’ve outlined 9 possible causes of vaginal dryness, along with a few recommendations on how you can alleviate the problem.

9. Lack of Arousal Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

Let’s begin with the elephant in the room -- lack of arousal. A woman’s body is designed to produce a slippery natural lubrication when she is sexually aroused in order to facilitate the insertion of a man’s penis into her vagina. At least that’s how it’s supposed to work according to the textbooks we read in Sex Ed class. 

In the real world, women may simply be too distracted -- or perhaps need a bit more warming up than their partner does -- when it’s time to have intercourse. In this case, the solution could be as simple as building up the sexual anticipation with more foreplay. Some women have other triggers, like fantasizing or naughty talk, that help them get going.

Here are three things to keep in mind:

A. Just because a woman’s not “wet”, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not aroused (as we’ll explore in the other 8 causes of vaginal dryness below).

B. If lack of arousal is the cause of vaginal dryness, an open dialog between partners can do wonders for discovering what will stimulate sexual arousal. The main takeaway? Don’t be shy when it comes to explaining what gets your motor running.

C. If the lack of arousal is to blame for vaginal dryness but both partners still want to get to third base, using a personal lubricant is a secure, fun way to kickstart the action. 

8. Emotional Stress Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

Let’s face it, everyone experiences stress to a certain degree and, in recent years, it’s been linked to an increasing number of physical problems. Many people associate a woman’s tendency to produce vaginal lubrication with her sexual arousal, and when it doesn’t happen it can cause a form of performance anxiety -- akin to the stage fright that makes it hard for some guys to get an erection under pressure (as we mentioned in our previous post, Everything You Need to Know About Personal Lubricants (But Were Too Afraid to Ask)).  

Performance anxiety aside, any number of outside stressors in a woman’s life can spill over into the bedroom and lead to a dry vagina. While the oxytocin released by the brain during orgasm can be a healthy form of stress release itself, it may take some serious relaxation techniques to get in the mood for sexual activity, if that’s even the goal.  

Find what helps you unwind, whether it’s yoga stretches, relaxing music, a massage or perhaps a favorite drink. When your mind is feeling less stressed, your body will often follow. If a lack of vaginal lubrication is causing you further stress, take matters into your own hands and use a personal lube like Astroglide Liquid to moisturise your most intimate areas. After all, you’ve got enough on your mind so why not let us take care of the lubrication until your body’s back on track? 

7. Douching Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

Although less common than it once was, WomensHealth.gov says that in the United States, almost one in four women 15 to 44 years old douche on a regular basis. This is a surprising stat considering studies have not found any health benefit to douching but have found that douching is linked to many health problems, including vaginal dryness. 

So this one seems simple enough, if you’re experiencing vaginal dryness yet you’re still putting douche up into your business -- it may be time to ditch the douchebags! 

6. Smoking and Drinking Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

Sorry party girl, if you want to keep your vajayjay moist and healthy, you’ve got to snuff the butts and chill out on the booze. Why, you ask? According to Laura Berman,  in her article at Everyday Health, “Cigarettes can decrease circulation, which could intensify vaginal dryness. Alcohol can decrease your sensations and lead to a dry vagina, so limit yourself to only one or two glasses of wine, especially if you plan on having sex later.”

5. Strenuous Exercise Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

Please note the importance of the word “strenuous” here, and keep in mind that regular exercise is actually a key component to maintaining your overall health -- including the health of your vagina. Confused? Don’t be. Just think of how many times you’ve heard the phrase “everything in moderation” and realize that when it comes to avoiding vaginal dryness, intense rigorous exercise has been known to dry a vagina -- at least immediately following said workout.

Find that healthy balance so that you’re maintaining your overall health and circulation without causing too much stress on your body. 

4. Childbirth/Nursing Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

At first, it may seem surprising to hear that new mothers experience vaginal dryness. After all, the body is creating and discharging so many fluids to aid in the birthing and nursing process during this time, one might think that providing vaginal lubrication would be at the top of mother nature’s to-do list. Not so, say the experts at Parents Magazine.

“While you're nursing, your body produces less of the hormone estrogen, which can cause the tissues in your vagina to be thinner and drier than usual. The good news is that things should get back to normal after you wean your baby. Until then, you can use a water-based vaginal lubricant.”

What if you’re not breastfeeding but still experience vaginal dryness after giving birth? This could be a temporary hormonal imbalance that your body will regulate on its own. But if you’re concerned or the symptoms persist, ask your doctor for their advice.

3. Medications and Therapy Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

Have you ever wondered why you suddenly had a dry mouth and then remembered that you’ve recently started taking a new medication? The same diuretics and beta-blockers that are helpful in lowering your blood pressure can lead to vaginal dryness, decrease your sexual desire, and make it harder to achieve an orgasm. And blood pressure meds are just one of a long list of pills whose side effects include loss of bodily moisture. 

In their advice column for patients experiencing vaginal dryness, Chemocare.com states “One of the most common side effects  is generalised dryness throughout the body. In women, this will lead to vaginal dryness as well. Vaginal dryness does not mean that the woman is not aroused. The vagina may not be able, due to prior therapy, to become lubricated.”

That same post, as well as The American Society’s article, Dealing with sexual problems: Vaginal dryness, suggests using Astroglide to make intercourse more comfortable when dealing with the side effects of some treatments.  

2. Menstruation Causes Vaginal Dryness

It’s normal for a woman’s hormone levels to dip while she’s on her period. One of the primary hormones responsible for keeping your vagina moist during menstruation is estrogen. When your estrogen levels are depleted, vaginal dryness can be an irritating side effect, especially when it comes to inserting a tampon.  

One quick fix for this is to apply a small amount of personal lubricant on the applicator to make it easier to slide the tampon in. Better yet, you may want to consider avoiding tampons, which can, by their absorbent nature, dry out the inside of the vagina. Try using a pad instead, at least on days with high menstrual flow. You may want to refrain from wearing panty liners when you’re not on your period, as these can also wick natural moisture away from your most sensitive parts. 

1. Menopause Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

And finally, at the number one spot, we address the most common cause of vaginal dryness, menopause. According to a report by the Mayo Clinic, “vaginal dryness is a hallmark sign of vaginal atrophy (atrophic vaginitis) — thinning and inflammation of the vaginal walls due to a decline in estrogen.”

Some recommend taking oral supplements or applying bioidentical estrogen creams to alleviate the symptoms associated with postmenopausal vaginal dryness. While it’s certainly wise to seek the opinion of your OB/GYN for treatment of severe vaginal dryness or atrophy, many women prefer to use a gentle lube such as Astroglide Gel or Natural Liquid to moisturise their vagina, especially when the main concern is making sex more comfortable.

Feeling better about your situation? 

So there you have it ladies, nine surprising causes of vaginal dryness along with some helpful tips on how to treat your symptoms. If nothing else, hopefully we’ve cleared up some misconceptions and set your mind at ease by explaining how common this issue really is. But wait, there’s more!

3 Bonus Tips to Avoid and Treat Vaginal Dryness

As we researched this article to share various expert opinions with you, certain advice stood out above the rest. For example, we love the practicality of Deborah Kotz’s top three tips in her definitive U.S. News & World Report article on the subject, Painful Sex: 6 Ways to Relieve Vaginal Dryness:

●Stay hydrated. Drinking six to eight glasses of water a day will help keep your tissues moist, including those below the belt.

●Lubricate, and lubricate some more. Many women achieve instant relief simply by using a lubricant. You may need to experiment to find one that works best for you.

●Avoid personal hygiene sprays. Chemicals in these products can be irritating to delicate tissues that line the vagina.

No two women are exactly the same, so the advice in this article is meant as a broad overview of common causes for the symptoms described above. The most important thing is to never suffer in silence. Don’t be afraid to talk to your physician about this condition. For that matter, don’t be ashamed to speak with your partner or close friends if you’re experiencing discomfort. 

We’re all about removing the taboo around health issues, so If you’ve found any remedies that have helped you, please feel free to share in the comment section below. Your personal experience may help alleviate the pain of someone else who feels too embarrassed to ask about one of the most common issues women face, vaginal dryness (feel free to remain anonymous!). 

Everything You Need to Know About Personal Lubricants (But Were Too Afraid to Ask)

When you work around personal lubricants for a living, it’s easy to take for granted that not everyone is aware of the wonderful benefits lube provides to people who are seeking a more comfortable, intimate experience. Every now and then, we have to step back and remind ourselves that there are still many folks out there who have either a) never tried lube or b) don’t even know that it exists or what it’s for. One of our goals at Astroglide is to help educate the public on the role lube can play in enhancing their sexual experience.

We also think it’s important to debunk myths about personal lubricant, and provide a reliable source of information for people to learn about lube before making up their own minds about which type of lube is right for them. Ultimately, whether you decide to incorporate personal lubricant as part of your sexual experience or not is up to you, but we want to be certain that if you choose not to, it isn’t due to any outdated stigma or misinformation. 

This is why we’ve created the following list of things you need to know about lube, but may have been afraid to ask.

What is a personal lubricant?

A personal lubricant is a water, silicone or oil-based substance that is used to reduce friction, dryness and chafing of your body parts during sex. Lubricants, such as those made by Astroglide, can also be used to help relieve vaginal dryness / menopause dryness which can result from dehydration due to menopause, breast feeding, medication side-effects, post surgical, stress or any number of factors. 

What is lube made of?

There are many different formulas for the various types of lubricants on the shelves today, but the reason Astroglide has become an industry leader in this market is that we keep our product line narrowed down to two basic categories: water based lubricants and silicone based lubes.
We also believe that the public has the right to know what goes into any substance they’re applying to their body, which is why we list the ingredients of each of our lubes on their individual product pagesu. We believe this transparency builds a level of trust with our customers, and allows each person to discover which product is the best fit for their body and lifestyle.

Which is better, water based or silicone based lube?

This is one of the most frequently asked questions about personal lubes and, again, the answer as to which lube base is best for you depends on many factors. For example, if you’re someone who loves to play in the water with your significant other, the waterproof qualities of our silicone based lubes are a great fit for your fetish. 

If, however, your favourite pastime involves self-play on fancy satin sheets with a variety of soft silicone sex toys, then you’d want to choose one of our water based lubes for that. Water based lubes rinse off easily and won’t break down the silicone coating used on certain sex toys. 

Whichever lube you decide to try next, we strongly urge you to avoid using oil based personal lubricants for several reasons. The most important reason we do not include oil based lubes in our product line is because they can weaken the latex in condoms (causing potential breakage which may lead to unwanted pregnancy or worse). Oil based lubricants can also clog pores and are generally messy in terms of clothing, bedding and skin.

Do I really need to use a personal lubricant? 

There are as many answers to this question as there are people who ask it, because the true answer is unique to each individual. Even if you’ve enjoyed sex for years without any additional lubrication, you might want to broaden your horizons and see what all of the hype is about when it comes to the sensations many people enjoy after adding lube to their repertoire. 

Keeping your sex life fresh and exciting requires a bit of creativity. If you’re the type of lover who likes to go above and beyond the missionary requirements, you should consider introducing a few special effects to your performance. Why not stimulate all of your partner’s senses next time by surprising them with the subtle, sweet taste of Astroglide Strawberry Liquid for an oral experience they’ll never forget? 

Like it spicy? Astroglide Warming Liquid will make those sensitive spots tingle in ways that no ordinary lube can. Gentle, yet exhilarating, the sensation of this specialty lube will turn the heat up on your passion even on the coldest of nights. 

Why should I use a personal lubricant? 

Think back to your high school physics class when you learned about the potentially harmful impact of friction. Better yet, let’s look at the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition. 

friction noun fric·tion ˈfrik-shən - the force that causes a moving object to slow down when it is touching another object 

When you’re in the throes of passion, the last thing you probably want is to have your moving objects slow down. The slippery effect that lube has on intimate body parts in motion can perpetuate longer-lasting enjoyment and ease the pain that some people encounter after prolonged sexual activity (or any sexual activity, particularly if vaginal dryness is an issue). 

In addition to the purely mechanical benefits of lubrication, once you’ve got that trusty bottle on your nightstand, you’ll be tempted to explore some advanced techniques, like those described by our Resident Sexologist, Jess, in her post 10 Ways to Enjoy the Magic of Lube.

Doesn’t the body produce enough lubrication on its own? 

Although the human body often does provide adequate natural lubrication for sex (such as the additional fluid a woman’s vagina produces when she’s sexually aroused), there are times when this doesn’t happen or isn’t enough. Many factors can contribute to vaginal dryness, including side effects of medication, dehydration and menopause to name a few. Let’s face it, sometimes you just want a quickie and the body’s natural process might not respond fast enough to provide the desired amount of moisture.

Because many people associate a woman’s tendency to produce vaginal lubrication with being aroused, it can cause a form of performance anxiety that temporarily shuts down the flow. Think of it in terms of a guy who experiences temporary erectile dysfunction due to “stage fright.”  For women, “getting wet” may cause the same sort of pressure guys feel to “get hard” on demand when the moment calls for it. 

With the assistance of personal lubricants, such as those manufactured by Astroglide, couples can be ready to enjoy easy, smooth insertion when the mood strikes, not only when the forces of nature align. And don’t even get us started on using spit as a lube. We’ve got three words for why we don’t encourage saliva as a primary source of personal lubrication: bacteria and viral pathogens. TL;DR version: DO NOT USE SPIT AS LUBE. Ever.

Do I have to go to a sex shop to buy lube?

While we fully support and enjoy the many wonderful items you can find in your local adult novelty store (who’s got time to go to the town livery stable for a new riding crop?), there are many convenient places to purchase personal lubricants these days.

Chances are, you won’t have to go further than your local grocery store or drugstore to pick up a bottle of Astroglide. In fact, we’ve made it as easy as possible to find places to purchase lube by providing you with a handy store locator link -- including several online options, if you’d prefer to have it delivered to your door!

Doesn’t personal lubricant cause yeast infections?

You may have read that personal lubricants containing glycerin can be a source of yeast infections. Not only is this untrue, some yeast infection cures actually contain glycerin. What is true is that glycerin contains sugars, which are a food source for yeast. If you’re prone to these types of infections, we suggest using a personal lubricant made without glycerin or parabens, such as Astroglide Natural Liquid or Astroglide Sensitive Skin Gel.

Won’t personal lubricants irritate my skin? 

As we mentioned in our previous blog post, 4 Myths About Silicone Lube Debunked, a lot of personal lubricants are actually hypoallergenic, meaning they’re unlikely to cause an allergic reaction. In fact, many users claim that lubricants prevent them from experiencing the types of skin irritations that non-lubricated sexual contact can cause. Combine this with the moisturising effect that lube has on skin, and you may find yourself using it more often that you anticipated!

With that said, when trying out a new lube it’s always a good idea to test a small patch of skin before generously applying to your most sensitive areas. As will all substances you put on your skin, it’s best to err on the side of caution and see how your body reacts first. For people with extra sensitive skin, we recommend trying our Sensitive Skin Gel, Natural Liquid or our traditional Astroglide Liquid formula first. 

Also, keep in mind that if you experience skin irritation during sexual activity, it could be due to a variety of reasons (for more details, check out our blog post: 3 Sex Tips for People with Sensitive Skin).

Is there any benefit to using a personal lubricant for masturbation? 

That same slippery sensation that makes personal lubricants so enjoyable for sex with a partner is just as important when you’re playing with the one you love most -- yourself! The friction-reducing properties of lube can create a very pleasurable experience for men and women alike. 

Whether you prefer playing with toys or your hands, a little lube goes a long way. You’ll be surprised at how a few drops can take this routine you’ve been practicing for years into entirely new, sensational areas of ecstasy.  

Which lube is best for me? 

If you’ve read this far, we applaud your dedication to pleasure and knowledge, and look forward to helping you take the next step to exploring a new level of intimacy. We realize that with eight unique products in our personal lubrication line, choosing the right lube might be a bit confusing -- even armed with the facts provided in this article. That’s why we developed this simple lube selector tool!
With just three clicks, you pick the qualities that are most important to you in a lube, and our tool narrows down your choices to recommend the best personal lubricant for you! How’s that for better living through technology?

How’d we do?

Did the research and FAQs that we explored in this article live up to the title - Everything You Need to Know About Personal Lubricant? Hopefully we’ve helped you learn more about the wonderful ways that lube can enhance your intimate experiences. 

If we missed anything or there are still lingering questions that you have about our products or personal lubricants in general, please let us know in the comment section below. We’ll be happy to answer you and, who knows, we may even use your ideas in a future article to help others who have the same questions. After all, we’re all here for the same reason -- to explore pleasure and intimacy and experience the most enjoyable sex imaginable!

4 Myths About Silicone Lube Debunked

With so many varieties of personal lubricants available these days, choosing which lube is right for you can be a daunting task. No worries, Astroglide’s handy lube selector tool will help you narrow down your choices in just a few clicks. Let’s say you’re looking for a lubricant that feels smooth after use, lasts a long time and can be used during water play. If that describes you, chances are good that the best lube for you is one of our silicone based lubricants.

But is silicone lube safe? And can you use it with sex toys? We decided to address and debunk some of the myths that you may have heard about silicone lubricants -- because it turns out, there are quite a few of them.

Myth 1: Silicone lube will destroy all of your sex toys

Many people are under the false impression that silicone lubricants will damage all of their sex toys. As Lubezilla points out, “silicone based lubes are fine on toys made of hard materials, like hard plastic, aluminum, ceramic, steel, granite, wood, marble, etc.”

If your sex toy itself is made of or contains silicone, you may want to stick to water based lubricants like Astroglide Liquid or Astroglide Gel. Many reports indicate that silicone lubricants do deteriorate softer sex toys that may also contain silicone, jelly or CyberSkin, due to the way that silicone molecules react with other silicone products. 

Myth 2: Silicone lubricants will irritate skin

While everyone’s skin reacts differently to different substances, the fact is silicone lubes are hypoallergenic - meaning these types of personal lubricants are relatively unlikely to cause an allergic reaction. This is good news for people who may have experienced irritation with other lubricants. As with any product you’re putting on your skin, you may want to test a small patch for reaction before applying lube to your most sensitive regions. 

The inert qualities of silicone lubricants may actually prevent them from causing a negative reaction. Additionally, many people prefer the silky texture of silicone lube over water based lubes, and enjoy the moisturizing effect that it has on their skin. 

Myth 3: Silicone lube is messy

While it’s true that silicone lubricants may not have the water solubility properties of our water based lubes like Astroglide Natural Liquid, there are benefits to certain silicone lubes that actually make them less messy. For instance, Astroglide Diamond Silicone Gel’s thick, no-drip viscosity means that it stays put where you apply it and is less likely to run off of your body and onto your sheets. 

Meanwhile, our other silicone lube—Astroglide X Silicone Liquid—is extremely long lasting compared to most water based lubricants. This means that you’ll get more mileage out of one application with less need to stop the action to apply more. The fewer times you have to reach for the bottle of lube, the less chance of accidental spillage.

Myth 4: Silicone lubricant products are too expensive

Speaking of long-lasting lubricants, both X Silicone Liquid and Diamond Silicone Gel have a tendency to maintain their slipperiness longer than water based lubes, so a little goes a long way. While you may initially pay a few dollars extra for a premium silicone lube, it’s likely to last longer because you won’t need as much of it to get the job done. So the value of the product evens out and with the difference in price negligible, this shouldn’t be the determining factor when asking yourself “which lube is right for me?”  

We understand that sometimes money is tight, so if you’re still unsure whether or not silicone lube is as amazing as people say, we’ll put our money where your mouth is. Astroglide will mail you a sample of our new Diamond Silicone Gel (which includes a smooth, fractionated coconut oil) or our popular X Silicone Liquid (made with just two ingredients) to test for yourself. 

Are there other unique benefits of silicone based lubricants?

So now we know that silicone lubricants are longer lasting, latex safe and leave your skin with a silky smooth feeling -- but what else separates them from the water based lube products we offer? 

One of the biggest advantages of silicone lubes is that they’re waterproof! Yes, the natural ability of silicone to resist water means that these lubes work great in settings where other lubes wash away. So if you’re into hot tub loving or enjoy extra steamy showers, silicone will stay slick for your water sports and wash away with soap, water and a towel when you’re ready to dry off. Use caution when enjoying silicone lubricants for water play. The same waterproof properties that keep the lube slippery on your skin can make the surface of tubs extremely slick. Watch your footing and be sure to wipe up remaining residue from surfaces once playtime is over. 

Now that you’re a lube pro, we encourage you to compare silicone based to water based lubes and tell us which type of Astroglide is the best fit for your lifestyle!

6 Sexperts Explain How to Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Hot

How do you maintain a healthy sex life when you and your partner live hundreds or thousands of kilometres apart? Perhaps one or both of you travel a lot for work or maybe you’ve got a spouse stationed overseas for an assignment. While it’s said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, staying sexually satisfied in a monogamous relationship presents unique challenges when the physical touch of your lover is beyond your fingertips.

We reached out to six leading sexperts who share their best tips to help you keep your LDR (long distance relationship) smoking hot!
1. Let’s kick off our column with The Love Guru Blaire who founded Six Figure Singles, a site that helps traveling executives, entrepreneurs and celebrities find healthy relationships. Her short, concise advice will be a common thread throughout this article. Blaire’s simple tip to keep the LDR burning?  “Web chat — sexy web cam and mutual masturbation phone sex.”
2. Not comfortable getting frisky online or over the phone? Astroglide’s Resident Sexologist, Jess has some creative advice for bashful communicators. “Get racy in the dark. Filming yourself in the throes of solo passion might be too intimidating, so consider sending a very short clip of your self-pleasure session filmed in the dark. Your lover will benefit from the sounds -- and the lack of a clear picture helps to build mystery and anticipation.”
Jess is no stranger to maintaining the LDR (to get an idea of her demanding travel schedule, simply take a look at the events page on her website). So aside from gifting your distant lover with steamy masturbation clips, what real-time methods does she recommend for interactive thrills? “Meet in an adult chat room online and get naughty! Using a nickname might help you to shed your inhibitions.”

3. Tina B. Tessina, (aka D Romance) who [literally] wrote the book on staying close during a long distance relationship. She’s the author of The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You're Far Apart. D Romance makes a good point in that you can plant the seeds for your time apart before your partner leaves, then follow through with her relationship maintenance tips once you’re apart:

Leave Notes: Before you leave on a trip, plant some little post-it notes -- inside the cupboard doors, in the mailbox, under your spouse's pillow, etc. If you're the stay-at-home spouse, tuck a few surprises into your mate's suitcase, briefcase or between the pages of a book he or she is taking.

Daily Special Phone Call: Keep the phone as special as you can. Handle mundane business via email, IM or text message and keep the phone for making that intimate connection. As often as possible, schedule a phone call every day—at a quiet time—for some intimate conversation. If you have children, either speak to them first or in a separate call. If you do need to make a call to handle problems, business or decisions (or if you don't have access to email) then find a way to designate a special call for intimate conversation or, at the very least, develop a signal to say that the business part of the call is over and your special time is beginning.

Use Snail Mail: Nothing is more intimate than a love note. Mail is one of the advantages living apart has over living together. Sending little gifts, notes, cards, postcards or pictures to your partner (whether you're the one at home or the one away) takes only a moment and racks up a huge score on the intimacy chart. 

When you're at a chemist , grocery store or card shop, pick up a few affectionate or amusing cards, and maybe a little gift or two (it doesn't need to be expensive, a keychain or candle is fine) and then send them at random moments. Send a postcard with a scene of where you are, or a cartoon cut from the paper or a magazine. If you have cards, stamps and envelopes on hand, it's very simple to drop one in the mail.

Create a Smile: Think in terms of making your partner smile as often as you can while you're apart. If you have a nice thought about a time you spent together, write it down so you don't forget to talk about it.

4. Dawn Serra is a sex and relationship coach who’s managed to maintain a thriving sex life, despite being in a long-distance relationship for over a year. She states positively “Maintaining a healthy sex life across any distance is so easy these days. All it takes is a little flexibility, some creativity and prioritising the time.”
Here are some tips that have helped Dawn’s LDR maintain its steamy status:

●  Send each other letters (the old fashioned way) outlining your latest fantasy.

●  Schedule date nights a few times per week and work around time differences in creative ways. Text each other sexy, naughty thoughts throughout the day (if you're international, spend the $5 or $10 per month for an international texting plan -- it's worth it!). Leverage Skype or Facetime and put on a little show for each other. Record naughty voice messages of yourself masturbating or speaking an erotic scene and email it to your lover so they can listen to it again and again.

●  When you schedule phone sex (or video chat sex), turn off all other distractions, get comfortable and let loose. The first few times may feel awkward but soon it will be a sexy ritual you both look forward to. Tease each other -- draw it out to build anticipation.

●  Tell each other when you masturbate and what you were thinking about. Send sexy pictures using SnapChat or write sexy little notes and take pictures of those to email or put on their Facebook wall.

●  Buy toys that you can use in tandem - if you're a hetero straight couple, the woman can get a dildo or vibrator that's similar in size to her partner and he can get a Fleshlight or something similar. Dictate to each other exactly when the penetration happens, sync up, and make it feel really real. Lose yourself in the moment. There's nothing sexier than hearing your lover lost in pleasure. The new WeVibe 4 can be controlled using an app on your iPhone, so one partner can wear it and the other can control when it turns on and off for some long distance fun!

Ms. Serra sums up the LDR challenge. “The only thing limiting your sex life when you're in different locations is your imagination. You MUST schedule it and make it a priority. After that, the sky’s the limit.”
5. Karen Park is an erotica author who lives in Korea yet her boyfriend is in the U.S. -- so she has first-hand experience with the LDR challenge. Karen explains “While we see each other in person every two months or so, most of our communication is via text and Skype. I am constantly creating sexy scenarios and I often use my boyfriend for inspiration. During the day, I'll text him a teaser of a scene I'm working on -- it's like foreplay that goes on until the next time we're together.”
While that may be easy for a writer, what if you’re literally challenged? No problem, says Park, “I also have a nice collection of vintage pulp erotica and sometimes on Skype I'll read him a particularly sexy scene. That will lead to a conversation about things we'd like to do together in bed and it definitely makes us feel closer, even though we can't touch physically.”
6. The final expert on our panel is Dallisa Hocking, founder of LoveFrogKisser.com a new web service dedicated to helping people develop meaningful relationships online. Her advice includes building intimacy between visits to create a more fulfilling sex life.
Ms. Hocking advises “Treat the time you have between visits as an opportunity to create a deeper connection with one another. It takes time and daily commitment from both people to keep the fire burning.” How does she propose you do this? Here are her tips for you to try:

●  Send daily text messages that are specific and detailed. Examples could include: "I want to do ___ and ___ when I see you." Let your imagination guide you. 

●  Be creative. Send a handwritten note in the mail, a recent photo and card from a recent visit or a token from the last time you saw them. An example could include sending a wine cork from a bottle of wine you shared along with a note about how you're looking forward to toasting with them again soon. 

●  Use technology to have virtual dates. Move beyond text messages and use FaceTime or Skype to connect. Examples include: having a drink at home "together" after work or cooking dinner at the same time and reflecting on what happened during the day. This takes time and effort, but the connection creates intimacy.

Hocking admits “Long distance relationships are a challenge, but they can succeed and flourish. But, it takes attention and creativity to keep the spark alive.”
So what have we learned from our esteemed panel of unique relationship experts? We’ve broken it down into three essential takeaway tips for you:

1.  Communication is Key - Sexting, Skype, steamy calls and even sexy snail mail are all tools that can keep your long distance relationship hot. If you’re nervous about your kinky messages being seen by the wrong person, there’s an app for that! Plume is a free iPhone app developed by CEO Amy Galland because she wanted to “create something private, flirty, sensual and secure for people to use to keep their long-distance relationships spicy.”

2.  Schedule Sexytime - While spontaneity is fun under normal relationship circumstances, when your lover is away, schedule specific times to intimately connect (the suspense of waiting for that naughty Skype or Viber  is a form of foreplay in itself!) 

3.  Stay Creative - Use the time between distant rendezvous to dream up erotic new ways to treat your faraway friend to a fresh encounter. Without the benefit of being able to touch them physically, the scenarios you plant into their imagination will have to keep them titillated while they pleasure themselves to your image and ideas.

The general consensus is that distance—while emotionally difficult—can actually lead to a stronger bond as you’re forced to express your passion in different ways. Since you’ll be handling a lot of the physical touching yourself, be sure to keep a fresh supply of your favourite personal lubricant next to your bed. While you’re at it, be a team player and slip a travel-size bottle of Astroglide into your partner’s overnight bag. That way you’ll both share the sensation of a well-lubed, long distance love making session when it’s time to reach out and touch someone!

7 Must-Have Additions to Your S&M Toy Box

Unlike cats and creepy porcelain dolls, you can never have too many sex toys. From vibes to whips, slings to swings -- sex toys are kind of like kinky little snowflakes, and no two are exactly alike. That’s part of what makes creating your own collection of bedroom bondage gear so fun. If you’re ready to give it a go and begin building your own lusty legacy, we’ve got the shopping list to stock you S&M toy box. This list will help you fulfill every shade of your wildest fantasies.

1.)   The Right Chest

Before you can start amassing your kinky arsenal, you’ll need to choose how you’ll store your sex toys.

A Tiny Toy Box. Not all of us need an extra room to store all of our bedroom bondage gear. If you think you’ll be happy with a few small spicy items, choose a toy box that’s small enough to fit on your nightstand. You can even re-purpose a jewellry box like this one that’s lined with red velvet.

Secret Storage. Want to make the most of your toy box? Store your sex toys in an ottoman with a secret compartment. There’s never been a spicier way to add seating to your bedroom!

Naughty Narnia. If you’re planning on collecting as many kinky toys and tools as you can get your hands on, we recommend opting for a full wardrobe -- one with locks, of course.

2.) Classic Sex Toys

Old Faithful. If there’s a sex toy more widely used than the dildo, we can’t think of it. Try a simple dildo with a sleek design that’s sure to offer G-spot stimulation like the LELO Ella. And don’t forget about the male G-spot!

Good Vibrations. Ramp that dildo up a notch by selecting one with multiple vibration settings. Choose a “rabbit” style vibe for added clitoral stimulation or ditch the dildo style altogether and opt for a more precise pocket vibe.

The Perfect Plug. Anal plugs come in third in our list of classic sex toys. To make this addition to your toy chest special, choose a blown glass or jewelled plug with extra sparkle.

3.) Whips, Feathers and Crops (OH MY!)

Light as a Feather. Tantalise and tease with a classic feather whip. If you’ve never used a whip before in the bedroom, this is a great place to start.

A Training Crop. Nothing helps an eager partner obey your commands better than a classic riding crop.

Get Cracking. If you’re ready to really punish that naughty partner of yours, adding a leather whip with a braided handle to your sex toy box is an absolute must.

4.) Bedroom Bondage Tools

Beginner’s Bondage. If you’ve never been tied up or tied up someone yourself, beginning with bondage tape is the way to go. It allows you to practice and experiment safely and easily until you figure out the bondage scenarios and positions that really rev your engines.

Sexy Straps. Make the most of that four-post bed with a bedroom restraint kit. You’ll love teasing and pleasing your partner as they beg for release.

Roped and Ready. Where art meets BDSM, you’ll find Japanese bondage rope. Its strength and silky texture make it perfect for putting partners in any position you can dream up -- and keeping them there for as long as they like. 

5.) Collars and Cuffs 

Comfy Collar. Not all collars are created equal. Choose one that’ll keep your partner comfortable -- like this adjustable collar that’s lined with soft faux fur.

Kinky Cuffs. Forget metal police cuffs that can cut and bruise wrists. Opt for supple leather cuffs instead. You can even match them to your collar to complete your look!

Leading Leashes. What’s the use of a collar without a leash? Faux or real leather versions can even double as whips for impact play.

6.) The Perfect Sex Lube 

Silicone Lube. If you’re getting down and dirty with a whole collection of new whips and chains, consider Astroglide X Silicone your new favourite sex lube. This unique formula boasts serious staying power, and it’s great for water play.

Warming Lube. Astroglide Warming Lube is great for getting in the mood -- and even better for teasing a partner with vibes and other toys while they’re tied up!

Gentle Lube. In the world of S&M, there’s good pain and there’s bad pain. For sensitive skin, there’s no better choice of sex lube than Astroglide Sensitive Skin Gel.

7.) Slings and Swings

Classic Swing. You may need a bigger toy box for this one. Adjustable ceiling-hanging harnesses like the Trinity Sex Swing include padded stirrups for comfort and powerful springs to making swinging and bouncing even more fun.

Suspension Bars. Use a suspension bar to immobilise your partner’s hands or feet (or both) while you tease them with all your favorite sex toys.

Arm Binders. If you don’t have the patience for tying intricate knots with Japanese bondage rope, arm and leg binders are the way to go.

You could rush out and buy everything on this list, but if you ask us it’s much more fun to purchase sex toys one at a time -- it prolongs the excitement and helps you learn what you like as you go. Plus, springing a single pocket vibe or satin blindfold on your partner is a lot less jarring than welcoming them home from a weekend away with a completely outfitted pleasure dungeon.

50 Shades of Not-Okay: What the Book Got Wrong

Not since the heyday of Fabio-covered paperback romance novels has erotic literature been so prevalent on the nightstands of horny housewives. The tome that changed the landscape of the kink-curious masses is, of course, Fifty Shades of Grey. Yet unlike previous generations of cleverly disguised smut, Shades touched a nerve with a wider demographic, including millions of young women who graduated from the fairytale land of Twilight less than a decade ago. What was it that compelled over 100 million people to purchase British author E. L. James’s 2011 erotic romance novel? In a word - escape. Yet the book, its two sequels and the new film adaptation have caused an uproar within the BDSM community, as many feel the story incorrectly portrays the world of bondage.

What’s the number one bone of contention? Namely, consent (or rather, lack thereof) between the dominant Christian Grey and his curious sub, Anastasia. We’ll let the expert critics explain what they feel the books got wrong about the true world of bondage.

What did 50 Shades of Grey get wrong?

Astroglide’s Resident Sexologist and author of The Little Book of Kink, Jess, is quick to point out one of the stereotypes that the book, perhaps inadvertently, perpetuates.

“Christian Grey’s interest in BDSM is tied to his mother’s abuse and neglect reinforcing the myth that kinky people are abuse victims. This is certainly not the case.

Mistress Trinity (a sex-positive feminist, dominatrix and kink expert with a Master's degree in Philosophy) agrees with the negative connotations of the abuse myth. In her recent Huffington Post article, Fifty Shades of Meh: A Real Dominatrix Takes On the Bestseller, she explains her view.

“Fifty Shades doesn't explore BDSM as a potentially meaningful, consensual sexual practice to the individual or collective female experience. Rather, the book keeps the taboo in kink with the misconception that a person must be really messed up (abused) to explore this erotic practice. It also doesn't explore the beauty and the power of submission, nor does it touch on the harder elements of BDSM play.”

“Most people enjoy some component of kinky sex (blindfolds, spanking, dirty talk, etc.) and their preferences are not the result of childhood abuse, period,” continues Jess. “Research continues to confirm that a history of childhood abuse is no higher within kink communities and the attachment styles of kinksters are in no way significantly different from those who identify as vanilla.”

Beyond unfairly linking childhood abuse with the bondage community, what is it about this particular story that gets under the skin of those who had already embraced the lifestyle? To get to the heart of the debate, we spoke with Mike Stabile, the head of media relations for San Francisco's Kink University. If this sounds like the type of school you’d like to attend, you’re probably right. Among other pro-kink events, they’re running a four-day 50 Skills of Grey Symposium, precisely because they think that proper BDSM practices aren't represented in the movie.

“Perhaps the biggest issue in 50 Shades is the disregard for consent.” Stabile says. 

“Consent is the cornerstone of BDSM, and it's what separates the fantasy of control with actual control,” Stabile continues. “Sure, Christian presents Anastasia with a contract. But later he disregards it, as he does with safe words, as an impediment. In real BDSM, the submissive is always the one in control, the one who determines what can or cannot be done, when the scene is stopped. The fantasy may be that all control has been given away -- but in reality, a submissive can and should be able to revoke their consent at anytime.”

So the Fifty Shades of Grey story stereotypes BDSM participants as abuse victims and misses the mark on consent. Certainly, such a wildly popular novel couldn’t have done anything else to raise the ire of such a liberal-minded community as kink enthusiasts? But wait, there’s more…
Darren Michaels, author of Flipside Erotica Presents: Both Sides of the Story, offers his critique. “There were several points in the BDSM realm that 50 Shades missed. First and foremost, the ‘romantically falling in love at the end’ premise is weak. BDSM is about control -- one person is in control and the other one submits. This is somewhat of a hard and fast rule as far as I'm aware.”

That often misunderstood dynamic of control is also a concern of Tammy Nelson, a Board Certified Sexologist and author of Getting the Sex You Want. “BDSM, or bondage, discipline or domination, sado-masochism, is really about power and someone being in control. And yet the submissive partner is always the one who has the most control. The one who is submissive always has the ability to use a safe word and can stop the ‘play’ at any time.”

But surely most of the Fifty Shades audience is aware that they’re experiencing a fictional story and can separate the fantasy of an author from the reality of a lifestyle enjoyed by consenting adults, right? Not necessarily, according to  Nelson.
“Young women watching the movie or reading the book may mistake power for giving in, giving up and for signing off. My fear is that less experienced women who are watching the movie will start responding to their boyfriends and husbands in ways that allow things to happen that are not pleasurable, that cause pain without pleasure and that could be dangerous. Or worse, some women may even begin to contact men online, predators looking for a submissive woman, and they will sign up for something they are not prepared to experience.”

When asked what sort of confusion Fifty Shades of Grey has caused her clients, Nelson says, “One thing that couples want to know is how to create the dynamic of a BDSM relationship, without ‘hurting’ their partner. They look to Fifty Shades of Grey as a manual. But they could be getting themselves, and their partner, into trouble.”

What did 50 Shades of Grey get right?

Despite the contradictions between this novel and what most people who identify as kinky proclaim to be the rules of BDSM -- even the harshest critics admit that the spotlight shining on the world of whips and chains has a bright side. Darren Michaels sees one important upside to the world’s relatively sudden mass-exposure to kink. “On a positive note, the breakdown of barriers and cultural acceptance of a typically taboo topic is wonderful.”

Tammy Nelson also agrees that the hoopla surrounding the Fifty Shades of Grey book series, and now the film, is not without its merits. She points to a unique aspect of the story that often gets overshadowed by the darker elements.

“Most bodice rippers are about capturing the heart and sexual attention of a man who is a chronic bad boy, a man who has sex with other women and who finally pays attention to us. But not here. We finally have a sexual hero who throws us down on the bed, rips our clothes off, ties us up and spanks the hell out of us.”
So what does inspire millions of “vanilla” sex lovers to stretch their boundaries and explore—or at least fantasise about—the type of kinky pleasures written about in Fifty Shades of Grey? Jess sums it up quite simply. “The desire for kinky sex likely develops as a result of both evolutionary and cultural factors, as it incorporates primal urges, taboo subjects, novelty, physical excitement and intense interpersonal connections.”

Whichever side of the Fifty Shades debate you lean toward, one thing is undeniable: this story has dominated the conversation around kinky sex more than any other in our lifetime. We encourage an open dialogue with your partners before you explore any rough stuff. For a quick primer course, be sure to read Jess’s article, A Lighter Shade of Grey: the Beginner's Guide to Kink.

Have the experts in this article changed the way you view E. L. James’s popular novel and the hype surrounding it?