15 Soulmate Signs: How to Know When You've Met the One

 

When you’re young, it’s easy to believe that life will be like a Disney movie: you’ll meet your soulmate, fall in love at first sight, and -- after 40 or so minutes of mild conflict and maybe a few talking animals -- you’ll live happily ever after. Yet many of us find ourselves giving up hope when our “happily ever after” doesn’t appear on schedule. And in a dating world where Tinder is king, finding a true soulmate can start to feel like nothing more than a fairy tale.
Yet, even in your most cynical moments, you look around and you can see beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are people you know who have met theirs. They’re hard to miss -- the couples who aren’t just happy together, but who seem truly meant for each other. And when you start to ask around about soulmates, not quite sure if you believe it yourself, you’ll find lots of people ready to tell you their story. “Yes,” they’ll say, “I know he’s the one. I’ve known since the moment I laid eyes on him.” And you will believe it.
So for all of the romantics out there who are still waiting for their soulmate to come along, we put together this list of soulmate signs compiled from the lucky people who’ve been there.

1. You Just Know

As crazy as it may sound to those who haven’t experienced it, the one thing that soulmates always say is that when they found “the one”, they just knew. Call it “love at first sight” or just a moment of intuition, but when soulmates find each other they know that they’ve met their other half. There is often a sense of calm and certainty about their relationship from the very beginning. Even before they say it out loud, soulmates know that this relationship is going to go the distance.

2. You’re Both Ready

And if you aren’t ready, you get ready. Once soulmates know that they have met “the one” there isn’t any pussyfooting around. Even if they find each other at a time that isn’t convenient or when one or both of them wasn’t really looking, once soulmates have found their other half, they figure out how to move forward with their relationship, no matter the obstacle. For many, one of the most surefire soulmate signs is a couple’s desire to commit to each other early and their steadfast ability to follow through on that commitment. When soulmates decide to be together, there is nothing that can stand in their way.

3. You’re Best Friends

One of the best things about meeting your soulmate is that you are also meeting your best friend. While any other friendships you may have before they meet will always be important to them, the connection between soul mates allows them to be the best friend that either of them has ever had. Soulmates just “get” each other. They can understand each other on a very deep level, even if they’ve only know each other for a very short time. If you find someone who very quickly becomes your number one support, your partner-in-crime, and the first person you text when you have good or bad news, there’s a good chance that you’ve met your soulmate.

4. You Respect Each Other

Soulmates don’t just love to be around each other -- they have a deep respect for each other as well. Soulmates accept each other, flaws and all, but when they step back to look at the total package, they see a partner that they are very proud to call their own. Because soulmates respect each other so profoundly, they handle their conflicts differently than many other couples. Soulmates don’t want to change each other, so they tend to be less critical of each other, even when they disagree. A true soulmate won’t want to turn you into something that you are not, but instead will want to be the best partner possible to support the person that you are.

5. You Understand Each Other’s Emotional Language

Everyone deals with emotions - from love to anger to sadness to joy - in very different ways. For instance, some people might express their love for a partner by giving them a back rub, while other people might express love by doing the dishes. The same is true of anger -- some people withdraw in the face of conflict, while other people want to talk things out immediately.

Soulmates might not deal with their emotions in the same way, but they understand their differences and learn to meet their partner in the middle. Many couples will find that when they fight it devolves into a situation where both partners feel angry and misunderstood, but soulmates develop an emotional shorthand that allows both partners to be heard and get what they need.

6. You’re On the Same Page When it Counts

Soulmates don’t have to agree on everything. In fact, you and your soulmate can have some serious differences of opinion. However, when it comes to the most important things in life like your values, goals, core beliefs, and priorities, you are totally on the same page. Soulmates tend to see the world through the same lens which makes their connection so much deeper because they understand one another. When you’re looking for soulmate signs, ask yourself whether your partner generally sees the world the way you do. When you’ve found your soulmate, the answer will be “yes.”

7. You Have a Shared Vision of the Future

When it comes to soulmate signs, this one is huge. Even if you can check off all of the other soulmate signs, if you and your partner don’t have a shared vision of the future you may not be destined to be together. You’ve probably heard the old adage, “A bird may love a fish, but where would they live?” Well, whoever coined that phrase definitely knew a thing or two about soulmates. If you dream of a glamorous life in a big city, but your partner longs for a quiet, family life in a small town, you’ll have a very hard time making your relationship work in the long term. To share a life that you both love, you first have to agree on what that life will look like. When you find your soulmate, you will both agree on the kind of life that you want to build together and you won’t be able to wait to get started.

8. You’re Each Other’s Biggest Fan

When you’ve found your soulmate, you will likely find yourself feeling a little amazed that someone so awesome could exist. This doesn’t mean that soulmates don’t see each other’s flaws, but the deep respect, friendship, and emotional connection they share allows soulmates to see each other in the best possible light. That’s why one of the surest soulmate signs is feeling like you always have someone in your corner. Soulmates celebrate each other’s successes and help each other rally when the going gets tough. No matter what, soulmates are always rooting for each other and are proud to support their partner in everything they do.

9. You Challenge Each Other

Because they both see the best in their partner, soulmates are able to bring out the best in each other -- though it won’t always be easy. Your soulmate won’t be content to watch you rest on your laurels. They will see how amazing you are and know all of the awesome things that you’re capable of doing, making it difficult for them to sit by and let you not be your best self. Of all the soulmate signs, this can be the most uncomfortable and soulmates can definitely find themselves butting heads.

However, in challenging each other they will each become better versions of themselves than they would have become apart. Down the road, when true soulmates look back at the life they’ve built together they will be struck by how much they’ve accomplished together and will be grateful to have had their partner there to push them.

10. You’re Comfortable Being Your Most Authentic Selves Together

Many soulmates will say that the earliest soulmate signs they noticed in their relationship was how comfortable they felt around each other. Even in the emotional whirlwind of falling in love, soulmates will find that they’ve never felt more secure in opening up to someone and showing their true self.

Soulmates delight in each other’s little quirks and idiosyncrasies and feel great empathy for each other’s flaws and vulnerability. This makes it easy to open up to one another because they both feel safe and secure in the knowledge that they are loved. For true soulmates, the deepest levels of emotional intimacy come more easily than either partner may have believed possible and this connection draws them to each other from the very beginning.

11. The Sex is Amazing

Because they have such a deep connection, sex between soulmates is destined to be unlike anything that either of them has ever experienced. Soulmates’ profound love for each other combined with their ability to be honest and vulnerable with each other creates a level of sexual chemistry that is off the charts. While lots of couples have great and fulfilling sex lives, the intensity between soulmates takes it to another level entirely.

It’s a hard thing to describe if you haven’t experienced, but a good rule of thumb is that if you don’t know whether or not the person you are having sex with is your soulmate, they probably aren’t. This is (obviously) one of our favorite soulmate signs and we think this one is worth holding out for. While you’re waiting, get prepared by stocking up on some killer lube, because when you find “the one” you’re going to want to be able to go all night. (We can even hook you up with a free sample.)

12. You Both Fight for the Relationship

As Shakespeare wrote in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, “The course of true love never did run smooth,” and the relationship between soulmates is no exception. No matter how deep your connection, soulmates will inevitably run into bumps in the road.

Whether it be difficulties with family members, illness, financial troubles or any other of the host of problems people encounter in their lives, at some point even soulmates will run up against a problem that rattles their foundation. One of the surest soulmate signs is how you and your partner deal with those problems when they arise. True soulmates will meet any challenge to their relationship head on and will fight together until balance is restored.

13. You Take Turns Being Strong

Another reality of life is that soulmates will both experience stress, heartbreak, and loss, both together and separately during the course of their lives together. One of the most reliable soulmate signs is that soulmates will stand together when the going gets tough. When one partner is going through a hard time, the other will rally to support them. When soulmates are going through a hard time together, they will takes turns being strong until they weather the storm. The deep commitment that soulmates makes their relationship a rock for each of them to rely on no matter what challenges they face.

14. You’re Secure Enough to Be Apart…

When soulmates find each other, the result is a relationship that is rock solid. The deep connection between soulmates allows them to feel secure in their relationship, even when they aren’t together. One of the key soulmate signs is that, no matter what, soulmates know that they will always come back to each other and pick up right where they left off.

This allows soulmates to take time apart from each other without panicking about their relationship or letting jealousy make them question their connection. Whether it’s going out separately with friends, traveling for work, or having to spend some time living long distance, soulmates are able to let each other do what’s best for their individual lives, knowing that any distance between them can only be temporary.

15. ...But Nothing is Better Than Being Together

Soulmates might be able to take time apart, but when you find “the one” there is absolutely nothing better than being together. When you find your best friend, your biggest cheerleader, you main support, your loyal teammate, and your greatest lover all in one person, it’s easy to imagine why soulmates value their time together above all other things.

 

How to Have More Quickies

No matter how incredible the sexual chemistry is between you and your partner, every couple eventually falls into a rut. The demands of work and family can leave us feeling stressed and overwhelmed -- and too often our sex lives are the thing we place on the back burner. This can have a negative impact on your relationship, as well as on your overall sense of well-being and happiness
For couples who are looking to jumpstart their sex lives and connect more, quickies are the perfect solution. Not only will you infuse some much needed excitement back into your sexual routine, but quickies are just that -- quick -- so you won’t need to invest a huge amount of time or effort to get your sex life back on track. Here’s a list of some of our favorite sex tips for having amazing quickies to get you started:

Get Yourself in the Mood

Often, just knowing that you want to have more quickies isn’t enough to make a quickie actually happen. While you might be craving some more spontaneity in your sex life, the reality of our busy, day-to-day lives is that we’re often too distracted by everything else that is going on to remember to take the time for a quickie.

While one of the perks of having a quickie is that you can skip the foreplay and get down to business, most people’s sex drive doesn’t operate like a switch that can be turned on and off at a moment’s notice. A great sex tip for having more quickies is to start doing little things to get yourself in the mood ahead of time. This can be as simple as taking a few minutes during lunch, on your drive home, or while doing the dishes to fantasize about your partner. Think about the parts of their body that turn you on the most or remember a particularly steamy tryst you’ve had in the past. This way when you and your partner finally get a few minutes alone, having a quickie will the first thing on your mind.

Let Your Partner Know You Want It

If you want to have a great quickie, it’s a good idea to get your partner in the mood ahead of time, too. Nothing makes a person feel sexier than feeling desired, so let your partner know that you can’t wait to get your hands on them. Send a sexy text or slip a note in their pocket as they walk out the door in the morning. Just find a way to let them know that when they see you next, they’re going to be in for some fun. The anticipation of knowing what’s to come will have your partner fantasizing about you all day and when the time finally comes, he or she will be as ready as you are.

Do It When You Don’t Have Time

One of the best things about a quickie is that it can help couples recapture the intensity of the early stages of their relationship when they just couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. While a quickie can be fun anytime, a great sex tip is to intentionally have quickies when you don’t quite have time for one. There’s an undeniable thrill in doing something a little naughty. And showing each other that having a steamy sex life is still a top priority can help couples feel closer and more bonded -- not to mention lead to hotter sex in the future.

Whether you’re rushing out the door to meet friends for dinner or getting ready for the morning commute to work, knowing that you are on borrowed time will only heighten the intensity of the experience. You might end up being a few minutes late, but in the grand scheme of things those few minutes are nothing compared to the jump start your sex life will get when you let your partner know that you have to have him or her right now.

Get It On Anywhere (Within Reason)

The thrill of having a quickie is getting caught up in the passion of the moment, so don’t feel like you have to keep your fun in the bedroom. You and your partner can get it on anywhere with a locking door or a few minutes of assured privacy, so don’t be afraid to get creative. Bathrooms, offices, and cars with tinted windows can all be prime locations for a quickie if you’re feeling adventurous.

There’s nothing hotter than getting busy at a time and place when you normally wouldn’t. Next time you are at a boring office party try sending your partner a sexy text asking him or her to meet you somewhere secluded for a quickie. Your spontaneity and the excitement of sneaking around will only add to your pleasure once you get each other alone. Just be careful not to get caught.

Have the Lube Ready

Even if you and your partner are already totally hot for each other, it can take a few minutes to get the juices flowing, which can waste precious time when you are wanting to have a quickie. The best thing about fast, hot, gotta-have-you-now sex is the thrill of the spontaneous, so don’t let the shortened time frame hold you back from getting down to business. Having a great lube on standby will ensure that you and your partner can have a smoking hot quickie at the drop of a hat, without any discomfort.

Another great quickie sex tip is that when you’re pressed for foreplay time, lubing each other can be a sexy way to get you both turned on and ready to go. Try experimenting with different kinds of lube like a great warming lube or a flavored lube to add an added dose of novelty and excitement to your quickie. If you don’t already have a killer lube on hand, we can send you a free sample to get your started.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

The point of having a quickie is to have fun and connect with your partner, so make sure that you keep that as your main focus. When you’re getting it on when you’re pressed for time or crammed into your friend’s guest bathroom, there can be all kinds of minor mishaps. From awkward positions that just aren’t working to accidentally bumping heads in the middle of the act, you’re bound to have some glitches. If you go into it not expecting perfection you can laugh it off together.

Also -- and this almost goes without saying -- when you’re having a quickie, an orgasm shouldn’t be your only goal. No matter how turned on your and your partner are, a few minutes isn’t always enough to achieve climax. You both might get there and you might not. The important thing is to not stress about it and just enjoy the fun and intimacy of the moment. The less worried you are about orgasms, the more likely you are to have them. And if you or your partner don’t quite get there, you can always finish the job later on -- which can be lots of fun, too.

Find the Right Position

While orgasming isn’t everything, it doesn’t hurt to set yourself up for success in the climax department. Some positions lend themselves to faster orgasms (particularly for her) which makes them a great go-to when you’re having a quickie. Bend over a couch or counter top for some added friction or position yourself so that you can stimulate each other manually as well. Making sure that you are both getting a little extra attention where you need it will increase your chances of ending your quickie with a bang and not a whimper.

Make Feeling Sexy a Priority

Another great sex tip -- not just for quickies, but for your sex life in general -- is to make feeling sexy a priority in your life. It’s easy to get caught up in the responsibilities and stress of our day-to-day lives and let our sex lives take a backseat to everything else. However, your sex drive is a lot like a muscle. If you don’t use it, it can be easy to lose it. Not only can this have a negative impact on your relationship, but it can actually be bad for your health.

Having sex actually has a wide variety health benefits including boosting your immune system, lowering your blood pressure, lowering your risk of heart attack, and improving the quality of your sleep. Even better, having sex actually boosts your libido, so once you start making sex a priority you’ll only want to do it more. It’s a win-win for your relationship and your health.

So don’t be afraid to pamper yourself and take the time to do the things that make you feel sexy. Take a long candle-lit bath, wear clothes and fragrances that make you feel your best, or play your favorite sultry Beyoncé track while you wait for your partner to get home. Whatever it is that makes you feel sexy and powerful is worth investing in - for your sake and your partner’s.

 

8 Things You Might Not Know About the Clitoris

You’ve probably heard a great deal about the clitoris and you likely already know that it exists solely for the purpose of pleasure. But have you heard of the clitoral legs? And do you know how to stimulate the internal clitoris?

Check out this guide to learn more about the magical clitoral beast:

1. The clitoris is not a doorbell. The clitoris is more than just a tiny nodule at the top of where the lips meet. That shiny pearl-like structure, which is often referred to as the clitoris is actually only the head of the clitoris. Please don’t ring it like it’s a doorbell or press is like it’s an elevator button — unless of course, your partner asks you to do so. In that case, I defer to her personal expertise.

2. The clitoris has legs, bulbs, foreskin, a shaft and more. Once you study the full anatomy of the entire clitoral complex, you’ll want to change up your routine to stimulate both the external and internal clitoral parts.

The glans is the head of the clitoris which can protrude from beneath the hood (or foreskin) to varying degrees. As mentioned above, we often mistake this little orb for the entire clitoris, but it’s only one part of this beautiful structure.

The clitoral legs and bulbs are part of the inner clitoris and the legs can extend several inches back and double in size as it becomes engorged with blood. The bulbs or vestibules of the clitoris are beneath the labia and also swell with excitement to create a tight sensation around the outer third of the vagina.

3. The clitoris gets raging erections.

That’s right -- as the clitoral shaft becomes engorged with blood during sexual arousal, it can stiffen and pop a boner. Many women find that pulling upward on the lower part of their public mound allows them to indirectly stroke the clitoral shaft through the foreskin.

4. The clitoris and the penis are derived from the same tissue in utero.

The clitoris is not only homologous to the penis in its comparable origin and structure, but both the clitoris and the penis are derived from the same tissue in utero. Once you study the full anatomy of the clitoral complex, you may conclude that the clitoris is much like a penis... only smaller. But, when you further examine the deep roots and multiple parts of the inner clitoris, it becomes more obvious that the clitoris isn’t a smaller version of the penis, but simply a variant model.

5. Sometimes the clitoris plays hide-and-seek.

If you have trouble finding the head of the clitoris, it may have retracted beneath the hood. Sometimes it “hides” during sexual arousal, as it becomes highly sensitive to touch, so ask your partner how she likes to be touched as she approaches orgasm. Does she want you to back off of her clitoral head and focus on rubbing the internal clitoris through her labia? Or does she require more pressure against the foreskin/hood? She may not be able to describe the ideal technique, but you can likely observe as she takes you by the hand and shows you the ropes.

Speaking of ropes, the clitoris is the reason why climbing those ceiling ropes in high school gym class felt so darn good! Squeezing and crossing your thighs around an object while rubbing can rouse orgasmic sensations, so give it a try with a toy, a hand, a penis or even your partner’s face.

6. You can rub the internal clitoris through the labia.

Try pressing the palm of your hand against her vulva and folding your fingers over her public mound. If you add a few drops of your favorite lube (I like Astroglide Natural), you can rub and grind to stimulate the internal clitoris through her labia.

7. The clitoris communicates with the brain through the pudendal nerve just like the penis – meaning that physiological arousal takes a similar path in both men and women.

8. The CAT (coital alignment technique) and the Reverse Cowgirl position allow for clitoral stimulation during penile-vaginal intercourse.

Try the CAT:

• The woman lies on her back and the man lies on top inserting his penis into the vagina.
• He then shifts his body upwards along hers (he can rest his hands/arms beside her head) so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press firmly against her clitoral hood and pelvic bone.
• She wraps her feet around his calves if desired.
• Play with synchronized rocking and rubbing movements as opposed to in-and-out thrusting.
• You can also perform the CAT with a strap-on.

Try Reverse Cowgirl:

• He lies on his back with his legs bent and feet flat on the mattress.
• She mounts him facing toward his feet.
• She leans against his upper thighs and grinds against him to stimulate her clitoris.

We recommend trying these techniques with a little lube (trust us, it's better that way!) We can even hook you up with a free sample to get you started.

 

10 Ways to Completely Seduce Your Partner

 

Do you find yourself in the mood for sex, but at a loss as to how to seduce your partner? Has your sexual routine become predictable? Are you looking to spice things up? Do you long for the tension that precedes the main event, but don’t know how to cultivate it?
We’re here to help with some saucy strategies for initiating sex that are simple, creative and will leave you both aching for more, more, more!

1. Talk dirty. Dirty talk may the most powerful tool any skilled lover can wield, but don’t wait until you’re in the bedroom to show your saucy side. Flirt while you’re getting ready for work. Compliment your partner over breakfast. Whisper in their ear when you get home (the kids can’t hear hushed tones!). Tease them while you’re both winding down watching TV. Since each and every one of us craves the feeling of being desired, try some of these lines to seduce your partner throughout the day:

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“You looked so hot in those shorts/shirt/shoes…”
“I’m going to take care of you tonight.”
“I’m aching for you.”
“I got worked up in a meeting because I was thinking about last night/week.”

2. Send a sext. Sex and technology form the perfect pair to enhance your love life, so pepper your day/week with flirtatious messages and pics that leave plenty to the imagination.

3. Give a facial massage. Back massages are perfect for relaxation and working out tense muscles, but a facial massage is intimate and erotic and sets the tone for passionate kissing and more! Use the backs of your fingers, feather-light touch and the slowest pace possible to awaken new nerve endings and pathways to pleasure.

4. Share your dreams. Tell your partner about a sexy dream you’ve had -- and feel free to embellish and fill in the gaps as you see fit.

5. Leave your toys out! Leaving vibrators, handcuffs, blindfolds or free lube sample on the bedside table can signal your interest in sex and shift your partner’s thoughts to sex even when you’re both busy and preoccupied.

6. Touch yourself. Get the sex session started before your partner comes to bed so that you’re all riled up and ready to focus on their pleasure once they hit the sheets.

7. Surprise your partner! Sneak up from behind while he’s doing the dishes or ply her with kisses while she’s reading on the couch. The element of surprise is essential to keeping the spark alive, so brush your hand gently against the nape of her neck, prolong your gaze toward his crotch while you bite your lip or flash your lover playfully when they least expect it.

8. Order an adult movie. The sights, sounds and inspiration of erotic film are enough to put even the most distracted of minds in the mood for some good lovin’ and porn has come a long way to meet a wide range of interests. Check out more info on ethical porn here!

9. Be demanding. You don’t have to be creative or suave to initiate sex. Simply ask for what you want:

“I want you to take care of me.”
“I want to be ravaged.”
“What would it take to get you to the bedroom?”
“I want you down on your knees.”
“Can you take me upstairs and hold me down?”

10. Offer “full service”. Dim the lights or light candles. Blindfold your lover. Offer a slow, sensuous massage while admiring their body. Encourage them to relish in the pleasure while breathing deeply. Run your fingers, breath, tongue and lips over every inch of their body before working your way between their legs. Keep things nice and slow!

Remind them that they don’t have to move a muscle or reciprocate. Use your fingertips to warm up some lube while you tease it over their hot spots. Let their hips pump and gyrate while you build their desire slowly and intensely as though they’ve paid for the “full service.”

Not sure which of these tips to test first? Why not try thinking of which would turn YOU on the most, then try it on your partner! And if you need a little extra advice on how to set the mood, you can always tweet @SexWithDrJess and @Astroglide for some bonus tips. Seducing your partner isn’t always easy -- but we’re in your corner and happy to help!

 

How to Get Over a Breakup Like a Boss

 How to Get Over a Breakup Like a Boss


Here's how to get over a breakup, mend a broken heart and enjoy the single life.
So, it’s happened – it’s over. The person that you loved and put in the top spot of your speed dial is gone and you’re left feeling like you got kicked in the gut. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and literally everything that you see reminds you of them. Your friends and family all tell you that you’re better off and that this feeling will pass with time, but when your heart feels like an Adele song, it’s hard to believe them.
But listen -- it’s time to pull yourself together. This sad sack isn’t you and there’s no way that one little breakup is going to take you down. You’ve got this. You’re going to get over this breakup like a boss – and here’s how:

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

We know that this is supposed to be an article about how to get over a breakup, so if you’re here, chances are you want the magic bullet for ridding yourself of the soul crushing misery of your heartache. We get it. We’ve been there. It’s the worst.

Unfortunately, when it comes to getting over a breakup, the only way through it is -- well -- through it. There’s no way to sidestep the sense of pain and loss you feel. You’ve got to face it head on and deal with it if you want to be done with it for good.
Taking time to grieve is crucial. Grieving happens in stages and none of them can happen overnight. You’re going to feel this way for a while and that’s OK. Let yourself feel what you feel, but remember not to panic. You aren’t going to feel this way forever. It will get better. You’ll be OK. We promise. Just give it some time.

Find Healthy Ways to Deal

When a relationship crashes and burns, it can be tempting to let yourself crash and burn with it. Sure, you’re entitled to spend a night or two crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or blowing too much money at the bar -- but then it’s time to pull yourself together. Drowning your sorrows in things that are ultimately self-destructive is only going to make you feel worse. You already have a breakup to deal with. Give yourself a break and don’t add any more negativity to the list.

If you find yourself needing to blow off steam, try channeling it in healthy ways. That box of wine is not going to do you any favors tomorrow, but going for a run might. That stack of Oreos is not going to love you back, but spending time with your family and friends will remind you that you’ve already got all the love you need.

Treat Yourself

When you’re getting over a breakup, you need a little extra TLC. While your friends and family can be there for you, don’t forget to be there for yourself as well. Dealing with heartache can be extremely draining, so make sure that you’re taking care of yourself along the way. Take a bubble bath, get lots of sleep, eat healthy meals, and make sure that you are giving yourself lots of down time to relax. When you’re feeling good physically, it’s a lot easier for your emotions to follow.
Also, don’t be afraid to indulge yourself a little. While you don’t want to overdo it on things that aren’t good for you, there are lots of other non-destructive ways to splurge. Book a vacation somewhere tropical, give yourself a makeover or spring for that personal trainer that you’ve been thinking about for ages. Taking the time to pamper yourself in positive ways will do wonders to turn your mood around and will give you something fun to focus on so you’re not focusing on your ex.

Get Some Distance

We’re not saying that you necessarily have to cut your ex out of your life completely (unless you want to, then by all means…), but you’re at least going to need to take some space away from them if you want to get to the point where you can move on. If you’re still hurting over your breakup, it’s a sign that you probably need to stay away from them.
It’s extremely difficult to get the perspective needed to move on if you and your ex are still hanging out and falling into familiar patterns. If your ex is someone that you would like to continue to have in your life as a friend, your relationship is going to have to evolve. It can’t do that if you don’t give it some room to breathe.

Clean House

As with any train wreck, the end of a relationship will inevitably leave behind some debris. Her hair ties on your bathroom counter, his favorite sweatshirt on the shelf in your closet, that framed picture of you on vacation where you both look really happy – the still-smoldering ashes of the life you shared together are everywhere. If you’re going to start healing, it’s all got to go.

Go through your house and gather up anything that will only serve as a painful reminder. If you’re not feeling ready to face it, get a friend to help you. Do it all in one sweep and then put it all somewhere that you won’t have to see it. Reclaiming your space will make it easier for you to move on.
Keep in mind that your home might not be the only place that needs a proverbial exorcism. If you find yourself constantly being confronted with pictures of your ex every time you check in on social media, your digital life might need some cleansing as well. A lot of people find that blocking their ex on social media is a crucial step in getting over a breakup, but if you’re not willing to go that route, keep reading for a list for apps and plugins that can give you more options.

Stay Strong

There comes a dark hour in the course of any breakup when you forget all of the reasons that you and your ex broke up in the first place. You’ll hear a joke that you just have to tell them or catch yourself getting nostalgic over your first date and suddenly all of the very sound and valid reasons that you had for moving on from that relationship will start to seem flimsy.

This is the critical moment when you will need to stay strong. If you prepare yourself ahead of time, you’ll have the best chance of making it through without backsliding into your old relationship. Write a list of all the reasons that you should not be with your ex and put it away somewhere so that you can re-read it when you are feeling unsure of your decision. Have a couple of friends on standby that you can call when you are thinking of calling your ex. Having a contingency plan in place to help hold you accountable will make it easier to have clarity about the situation and do what is best for you.

Call In Backup

Getting over a breakup isn’t easy. You’ll have good days and you’ll have bad days. The good news is that you don’t have to go through it alone. When it comes to heartbreak, basically everyone has been there – and chances are your family and friends will be able to empathize with what you are going through. This is the time to lean on the people closest to you for support, so don’t be afraid to ask for it if you need it.
Plan to spend more time with your inner circle, especially at times that you know will be hardest for you. For instance, if you used to spend Friday nights cooking dinner with your ex, then plan a new tradition of catching a movie with a friend. Spending time with the people you love will keep you from feeling lonely and gives you fun things to look forward to. A full social calendar also means that you will have less time to feel sad about your breakup, which will help you move on.

Do You, Boo

When a relationship ends, you inevitably find yourself with a lot of extra time on your hands. Time that you spent with your ex can very easily become time that you spend binge watching Netflix. If you don’t find something productive to do with that time, you’re going to end up feeling even more isolated and lonely. That’s why a breakup is the perfect opportunity to try something new.
Take up yoga, join a band, or start that novel that you’ve been wanting to write for the last five years. This is your opportunity to focus on yourself and make some decisions about what you want your single life to look like moving forward. Choose to focus your energy on something awesome and it won’t be long before you are feeling awesome, too.

Get Pumped

Yes, breakups are the worst. But you know what isn’t? Being single. It can be hard to recognize through the haze of heartbreak, but the single life has a lot of perks. From sleeping diagonally across the bed to having the general ability to “do you”, being single is actually pretty awesome.
And best of all, being single means that you get to fall in love again. Sure, you loved your ex, but the fact that you’re broken up means that it clearly wasn’t working. Being single means that you have the opportunity to meet someone new – someone who is right for you.
In the meantime, you get to enjoy all the fun parts of looking. The excitement of flirting, first dates and first kisses are all back on the menu for you now. Instead of struggling to make a dead end relationship work, you get to start over and make something new.

Best Apps for Getting Over a Breakup

In this day and age, there is an app for literally everything. If you’re still struggling with how to get over an ex and would like some digital backup, here are a few that might help:

1.) Kill Switch

If you and your ex are trying to be friends, but you’re still at the stage where seeing their picture pop up in your Facebook Timeline is a dagger to your heart, Kill Switch has you covered. This app allows you to banish any and all pictures, videos, and statuses that tag your ex into a private folder. You can choose what stays and what goes and you can bring it all back at some point in the future when you’re ready.

2.) Block Your Ex

This browser plugin will block the up to five exes from appearing in your Google search results. All you have to do is enter their full names and their social media information into Block Your Ex and poof – they’re gone.

3.) Drunk Lock

If you’re afraid that you might lose your resolve to not call your ex after a glass or two of wine, this is the app for you. Once Drunk Lock is activated, it requires you to answer a series of math problems before it will let you make a call. The idea is that if you’ve had one too many, you’ll have trouble getting them right. However, even if you haven’t been drinking, having to answer math questions will at least slow you down and give you time to reconsider making the call. You can even connect it to Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat, so you don’t make the mistake of contacting your ex on social media either.

Sex After Childbirth: 8 Things Every Couple Needs To Know

Congratulations on your new bambino! Having a baby changes your perspective on life immediately – usually right after you hear that first cry. But now you’re out of the hospital, and you’re ready to get back to your normal routine – meaning it’s time to start knockin’ the boots.
Except, of course, the act of having sex is not even on your mind right now. You are trying to manage feeding the kid every three hours, changing diapers, taking showers (and keeping yourself presentable for the non-stop stream of relatives that keep coming over to see the baby), and – hopefully – getting some much needed nap time in between.
Add in leaky boobs, belly fat, and a fussy baby, and… well, it’s obvious that having sex after childbirth is challenging to say the least. As a board-certified OB/GYN, I give my patients the okay to have sexual intercourse (vaginally) six weeks after delivery. I may ask them to wait longer depending on if their vaginal tears have healed, or if they are still having postpartum vaginal discharge.
Ladies, you have to follow up with your doctor or midwife so we can do a pelvic exam to clear you before you start having sex again. If you have sex before you’re fully healed, you may rip your stitches out or put yourself at risk of infection. If you’ve had a C-section, that advice still applies to you! A C-section is a major surgery – your body needs time to heal from that, too. With that said, here are eight more things every couple needs to know about having sex after having a baby.

1. Your breasts might leak. It doesn’t matter if your partner is caressing them or you are having an orgasm – sometimes milk will “let down.” Additionally, if you are breastfeeding, sometimes you may not want your breasts to be touched – your baby has been sucking on them and they can be tender. Pumping can make the breasts less tender. You can also consider wearing a tight bra during sex.

2. Sex can be painful. Estrogen levels drop after having a baby, meaning your vagina will be dry, making sex hurt. Breastfeeding can cause this to happen as well. The solution? Use lube. Astroglide can make sexual activity more comfortable.

3. It might not feel right. If you’re worried about things feeling a little loose, there are things you can do to help out, like your Kegels. Or even better, use Ben-Wa balls. These balls are weighted, and you have to use your muscles in your vagina to hold them in. Buy the ones with the string attached to them. This way you can increase resistance by tugging on them.

4. You will feel self-conscious. Stop it! You had a baby. Of course your body changed! Start exercising with your partner in order to get that body back in shape, and don’t forget about healthy eating – but whatever you do, don’t feel guilty. After all, you just pushed a baby out of that body!

5. You should use birth control. Don’t risk getting pregnant during your postpartum period. I have seen this one too many times. Stay away from hormonal forms of birth control, also, as artificial hormones can decrease your sex drive.

6. You need to find the time for sex. At least once a week go on a date night (without the baby!) with your partner. Enlist all of those family members that have been coming over to visit for help. You don’t have to sacrifice intimacy when you have a child.

7. You need to get some rest. Altered sleep patterns (which are very common for new moms) can dampen your sex drive. Hire the new grandmother to care for the kid once in awhile. Fatigue is real, and it will sap your energy and your sex drive!

8. Your hormones will take time to even out. Due to fluctuating hormones (and everything else going on with your body), it’s completely natural for your libido to sink after pregnancy – but don’t worry! If you’re determined, a little foreplay and some extended romantic sessions with your partner can still get things going. Everything will come back after you start having regular monthly periods.

The Best Workouts for Sexual Stamina

Imagine that the thing you want most in the world is at the top of a steep mountain. You lace up your hiking boots, strap on your backpack and set out to reach the summit with a smile of iron-willed determination. The climb gets steeper, but you persevere. The rocks under your feet crumble and you slip backwards, but still you push on. The air grows thin and just as it seems the thing you want most in this world, the thing at the top of the mountain peak, is within reach, your lungs give out and your knees buckle. You slide backwards, trip and tumble until you’re back at the bottom of the mountain with no backpack, one hiking boot and zero energy to try again. Now imagine the thing at the top of the cliff is an orgasm.
Reaching the heights of sexual pleasure can sometimes seem impossible, especially if your own body is working against you. Luckily, there are steps you can take to sexercise your way to better sexual stamina. We asked sex, health and fitness experts which workouts they recommend to clients who want to have sex longer, stronger, and well, just plain better. Here’s what they had to say:

5 Exercises for Sexual Stamina 

 

1.    Make it Bounce. The workouts you do to increase sexual stamina don’t have to be boring. In fact, Sex Therapist Jacqui Olliverrecommends one that you’ve probably loved since you were a kid — jumping on a trampoline. “Rebounder bouncing, or bouncing on a mini trampoline, increases blood flow to all areas of your body and strengthens your lower body support muscles including your pelvic floor, abdominals, hips, thighs and lower legs,” says Jacqui.

“Rebound for 10 minutes a day to enhance your overall health and sexual fitness.” Feel a little silly bouncing around? Set up your trampoline in your TV room and bounce while you watch your favorite show — or watch music videos and jump along to the beat!

 

2.    Focus on Strength. According to Personal Trainer and Nutritionist Brandon Mancine, “There are 10 physical skills that can be developed to enhance performance. Of the 10, strength has the greatest carryover to every other skill. So if you’re looking at sex as an athletic performance (and you should, for you and your partner's sake) work on pound for pound strength. This type of training also happens to elicit a hormonal response that will increase sex drive so its a win all around.”

Which exercises does Brandon recommend for building strength? “Squats will have the greatest effect on total body strength, kettlebell swings are a great addition as well for a easy to do anywhere strength, power, endurance workout (good hip action too!)” You can do these in the TV room too, but we definitely recommend swinging the kettlebell AWAY from your flatscreen.

 

3.    Stretch It Out. Ever wonder why dancers have a reputation for being great in bed? Donna Flagg, the creator of Lastics, credits it to the flexibility that comes from consistent stretching. “I’ve had many students tell me, (very surprised) that their sex lives improved from my stretch classes. And if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Stretching (if you’re doing it right) not only creates flexibility but also control in the muscles, particularly in the pelvis.” Try Lastics for yourself, or create your own stretching in the morning or before and after your regular workouts.

4.    Practice Second Position. Jennifer McCamish is a former Radio City Rockette, personal trainer and owner of Dancers Shape, a barre and Pilates studio in Austin, Texas. She agrees that when it comes to improving sexual stamina, you can learn a lot from professional dance. “The stronger and more flexible you are around the hip joints, the easier it is to spice up your sex life by exploring different positions that might normally be difficult to get into or hold for an extended period of time,” says McCamish.

To help achieve these goals, she recommends getting into second position. “Bend your knees as low as you can without letting your shoulders collapse forward or your tailbone stick out. Engage your abdominals back towards your spine and pull your ribs together so you are supported through your lower back. Begin to dip one inch down and lift one inch up and feel the weight in your heels with light toes. With each lift, exhale and feel the area between the sits bones and pubic bone pull together and upwards.

According to McCamish, “This exercise will work the most critical muscles needed for enjoyable sex, the pelvic floor, while at the same time stretching and strengthening the inner thighs, glutes, quads and knees to help you conquer more exciting and adventurous sexual positions. It also builds body awareness so you know what muscles to activate for a more intense climax.” Sounds like it’s worth a try to us!

 

5.    Pace Yourself. Want to know how to have better sex? One of the easiest changes you can make is varying your pace. Alternate between faster, more forceful thrusts and slower, more sensual moves. This will help with sexual stamina by making it easier to stretch out sessions, and it’ll also build up your sexual energy so when you orgasm you REALLY orgasm.

Fitness Trainer and Health Coach Clint Fuqua says a great way to work on switching it up is to do sprints and HIIT (high intensity interval training). “Even if you’re going for a marathon session in the sack, you’ll need to be able to go from slow to fast pace over and over again. The best way to keep your body from giving out before you get off is to make sure it can handle all the ups and downs for as long as you want to go or until that little blue pill loses effectiveness.” The more you practice sprints and other cardio of the HIIT variety, the easier time you’ll have!

Any of these moves will help you sexercise your way to increased sexual stamina, and the more work you put in outside the bedroom, the easier it’ll be to put in work inside. But keep in mind that your overall performance level is affected by other habits and choices too! Here are just a few more things you can do to keep yourself at peak sexing shape: 

●     Stay hydrated throughout the day●      Limit your alcohol before sessions●      Eat a balanced diet full of whole foods●      Limit your refined sugar intake●      Stick to a consistent sleep schedule●      Take a daily multivitamin●      Limit smoking and exposure to secondhand smoke●      Remember to slow down, switch positions and change things up

Remember that above all, sex should be fun! So if you’re straining and struggling don’t be ashamed to take a break or suggest a different position, or to break open that free sample of Astroglide to cut down on the friction. Anyone who isn’t understanding and accommodating isn’t worth doing all that sexercise for anyway.

Have you tried any of the moves we mentioned? Have your own unique tip for increasing sexual stamina? We’d love to hear it — post a comment and share your thoughts!