7 Must-Have Additions to Your S&M Toy Box

Unlike cats and creepy porcelain dolls, you can never have too many sex toys. From vibes to whips, slings to swings -- sex toys are kind of like kinky little snowflakes, and no two are exactly alike. That’s part of what makes creating your own collection of bedroom bondage gear so fun. If you’re ready to give it a go and begin building your own lusty legacy, we’ve got the shopping list to stock you S&M toy box. This list will help you fulfill every shade of your wildest fantasies.

1.)   The Right Chest

Before you can start amassing your kinky arsenal, you’ll need to choose how you’ll store your sex toys.

A Tiny Toy Box. Not all of us need an extra room to store all of our bedroom bondage gear. If you think you’ll be happy with a few small spicy items, choose a toy box that’s small enough to fit on your nightstand. You can even re-purpose a jewellry box like this one that’s lined with red velvet.

Secret Storage. Want to make the most of your toy box? Store your sex toys in an ottoman with a secret compartment. There’s never been a spicier way to add seating to your bedroom!

Naughty Narnia. If you’re planning on collecting as many kinky toys and tools as you can get your hands on, we recommend opting for a full wardrobe -- one with locks, of course.

2.) Classic Sex Toys

Old Faithful. If there’s a sex toy more widely used than the dildo, we can’t think of it. Try a simple dildo with a sleek design that’s sure to offer G-spot stimulation like the LELO Ella. And don’t forget about the male G-spot!

Good Vibrations. Ramp that dildo up a notch by selecting one with multiple vibration settings. Choose a “rabbit” style vibe for added clitoral stimulation or ditch the dildo style altogether and opt for a more precise pocket vibe.

The Perfect Plug. Anal plugs come in third in our list of classic sex toys. To make this addition to your toy chest special, choose a blown glass or jewelled plug with extra sparkle.

3.) Whips, Feathers and Crops (OH MY!)

Light as a Feather. Tantalise and tease with a classic feather whip. If you’ve never used a whip before in the bedroom, this is a great place to start.

A Training Crop. Nothing helps an eager partner obey your commands better than a classic riding crop.

Get Cracking. If you’re ready to really punish that naughty partner of yours, adding a leather whip with a braided handle to your sex toy box is an absolute must.

4.) Bedroom Bondage Tools

Beginner’s Bondage. If you’ve never been tied up or tied up someone yourself, beginning with bondage tape is the way to go. It allows you to practice and experiment safely and easily until you figure out the bondage scenarios and positions that really rev your engines.

Sexy Straps. Make the most of that four-post bed with a bedroom restraint kit. You’ll love teasing and pleasing your partner as they beg for release.

Roped and Ready. Where art meets BDSM, you’ll find Japanese bondage rope. Its strength and silky texture make it perfect for putting partners in any position you can dream up -- and keeping them there for as long as they like. 

5.) Collars and Cuffs 

Comfy Collar. Not all collars are created equal. Choose one that’ll keep your partner comfortable -- like this adjustable collar that’s lined with soft faux fur.

Kinky Cuffs. Forget metal police cuffs that can cut and bruise wrists. Opt for supple leather cuffs instead. You can even match them to your collar to complete your look!

Leading Leashes. What’s the use of a collar without a leash? Faux or real leather versions can even double as whips for impact play.

6.) The Perfect Sex Lube 

Silicone Lube. If you’re getting down and dirty with a whole collection of new whips and chains, consider Astroglide X Silicone your new favourite sex lube. This unique formula boasts serious staying power, and it’s great for water play.

Warming Lube. Astroglide Warming Lube is great for getting in the mood -- and even better for teasing a partner with vibes and other toys while they’re tied up!

Gentle Lube. In the world of S&M, there’s good pain and there’s bad pain. For sensitive skin, there’s no better choice of sex lube than Astroglide Sensitive Skin Gel.

7.) Slings and Swings

Classic Swing. You may need a bigger toy box for this one. Adjustable ceiling-hanging harnesses like the Trinity Sex Swing include padded stirrups for comfort and powerful springs to making swinging and bouncing even more fun.

Suspension Bars. Use a suspension bar to immobilise your partner’s hands or feet (or both) while you tease them with all your favorite sex toys.

Arm Binders. If you don’t have the patience for tying intricate knots with Japanese bondage rope, arm and leg binders are the way to go.

You could rush out and buy everything on this list, but if you ask us it’s much more fun to purchase sex toys one at a time -- it prolongs the excitement and helps you learn what you like as you go. Plus, springing a single pocket vibe or satin blindfold on your partner is a lot less jarring than welcoming them home from a weekend away with a completely outfitted pleasure dungeon.

50 Shades of Not-Okay: What the Book Got Wrong

Not since the heyday of Fabio-covered paperback romance novels has erotic literature been so prevalent on the nightstands of horny housewives. The tome that changed the landscape of the kink-curious masses is, of course, Fifty Shades of Grey. Yet unlike previous generations of cleverly disguised smut, Shades touched a nerve with a wider demographic, including millions of young women who graduated from the fairytale land of Twilight less than a decade ago. What was it that compelled over 100 million people to purchase British author E. L. James’s 2011 erotic romance novel? In a word - escape. Yet the book, its two sequels and the new film adaptation have caused an uproar within the BDSM community, as many feel the story incorrectly portrays the world of bondage.

What’s the number one bone of contention? Namely, consent (or rather, lack thereof) between the dominant Christian Grey and his curious sub, Anastasia. We’ll let the expert critics explain what they feel the books got wrong about the true world of bondage.

What did 50 Shades of Grey get wrong?

Astroglide’s Resident Sexologist and author of The Little Book of Kink, Jess, is quick to point out one of the stereotypes that the book, perhaps inadvertently, perpetuates.

“Christian Grey’s interest in BDSM is tied to his mother’s abuse and neglect reinforcing the myth that kinky people are abuse victims. This is certainly not the case.

Mistress Trinity (a sex-positive feminist, dominatrix and kink expert with a Master's degree in Philosophy) agrees with the negative connotations of the abuse myth. In her recent Huffington Post article, Fifty Shades of Meh: A Real Dominatrix Takes On the Bestseller, she explains her view.

“Fifty Shades doesn't explore BDSM as a potentially meaningful, consensual sexual practice to the individual or collective female experience. Rather, the book keeps the taboo in kink with the misconception that a person must be really messed up (abused) to explore this erotic practice. It also doesn't explore the beauty and the power of submission, nor does it touch on the harder elements of BDSM play.”

“Most people enjoy some component of kinky sex (blindfolds, spanking, dirty talk, etc.) and their preferences are not the result of childhood abuse, period,” continues Jess. “Research continues to confirm that a history of childhood abuse is no higher within kink communities and the attachment styles of kinksters are in no way significantly different from those who identify as vanilla.”

Beyond unfairly linking childhood abuse with the bondage community, what is it about this particular story that gets under the skin of those who had already embraced the lifestyle? To get to the heart of the debate, we spoke with Mike Stabile, the head of media relations for San Francisco's Kink University. If this sounds like the type of school you’d like to attend, you’re probably right. Among other pro-kink events, they’re running a four-day 50 Skills of Grey Symposium, precisely because they think that proper BDSM practices aren't represented in the movie.

“Perhaps the biggest issue in 50 Shades is the disregard for consent.” Stabile says. 

“Consent is the cornerstone of BDSM, and it's what separates the fantasy of control with actual control,” Stabile continues. “Sure, Christian presents Anastasia with a contract. But later he disregards it, as he does with safe words, as an impediment. In real BDSM, the submissive is always the one in control, the one who determines what can or cannot be done, when the scene is stopped. The fantasy may be that all control has been given away -- but in reality, a submissive can and should be able to revoke their consent at anytime.”

So the Fifty Shades of Grey story stereotypes BDSM participants as abuse victims and misses the mark on consent. Certainly, such a wildly popular novel couldn’t have done anything else to raise the ire of such a liberal-minded community as kink enthusiasts? But wait, there’s more…
Darren Michaels, author of Flipside Erotica Presents: Both Sides of the Story, offers his critique. “There were several points in the BDSM realm that 50 Shades missed. First and foremost, the ‘romantically falling in love at the end’ premise is weak. BDSM is about control -- one person is in control and the other one submits. This is somewhat of a hard and fast rule as far as I'm aware.”

That often misunderstood dynamic of control is also a concern of Tammy Nelson, a Board Certified Sexologist and author of Getting the Sex You Want. “BDSM, or bondage, discipline or domination, sado-masochism, is really about power and someone being in control. And yet the submissive partner is always the one who has the most control. The one who is submissive always has the ability to use a safe word and can stop the ‘play’ at any time.”

But surely most of the Fifty Shades audience is aware that they’re experiencing a fictional story and can separate the fantasy of an author from the reality of a lifestyle enjoyed by consenting adults, right? Not necessarily, according to  Nelson.
“Young women watching the movie or reading the book may mistake power for giving in, giving up and for signing off. My fear is that less experienced women who are watching the movie will start responding to their boyfriends and husbands in ways that allow things to happen that are not pleasurable, that cause pain without pleasure and that could be dangerous. Or worse, some women may even begin to contact men online, predators looking for a submissive woman, and they will sign up for something they are not prepared to experience.”

When asked what sort of confusion Fifty Shades of Grey has caused her clients, Nelson says, “One thing that couples want to know is how to create the dynamic of a BDSM relationship, without ‘hurting’ their partner. They look to Fifty Shades of Grey as a manual. But they could be getting themselves, and their partner, into trouble.”

What did 50 Shades of Grey get right?

Despite the contradictions between this novel and what most people who identify as kinky proclaim to be the rules of BDSM -- even the harshest critics admit that the spotlight shining on the world of whips and chains has a bright side. Darren Michaels sees one important upside to the world’s relatively sudden mass-exposure to kink. “On a positive note, the breakdown of barriers and cultural acceptance of a typically taboo topic is wonderful.”

Tammy Nelson also agrees that the hoopla surrounding the Fifty Shades of Grey book series, and now the film, is not without its merits. She points to a unique aspect of the story that often gets overshadowed by the darker elements.

“Most bodice rippers are about capturing the heart and sexual attention of a man who is a chronic bad boy, a man who has sex with other women and who finally pays attention to us. But not here. We finally have a sexual hero who throws us down on the bed, rips our clothes off, ties us up and spanks the hell out of us.”
So what does inspire millions of “vanilla” sex lovers to stretch their boundaries and explore—or at least fantasise about—the type of kinky pleasures written about in Fifty Shades of Grey? Jess sums it up quite simply. “The desire for kinky sex likely develops as a result of both evolutionary and cultural factors, as it incorporates primal urges, taboo subjects, novelty, physical excitement and intense interpersonal connections.”

Whichever side of the Fifty Shades debate you lean toward, one thing is undeniable: this story has dominated the conversation around kinky sex more than any other in our lifetime. We encourage an open dialogue with your partners before you explore any rough stuff. For a quick primer course, be sure to read Jess’s article, A Lighter Shade of Grey: the Beginner's Guide to Kink.

Have the experts in this article changed the way you view E. L. James’s popular novel and the hype surrounding it?