10 Tips for Better Oral Sex

You already drive her wild, but if you’re looking to step up your oral sex game, check out these expert tips I’ve collected from clients, fans and couples from across the globe:

1.     Slow down.

When we’re excited, our minds race and our bodies stumble to keep pace. In the heat of the moment, our caresses often become slovenly gropes and our lustful kisses deteriorate into something from a bad romance novel.

Though the wanton passion may represent your carnal desire, bear in mind that your partner may be moving at a different pace. If she has suggested that she’d like you to slow down or ease up, try touching her with only the backs of your handsfor the first few minutes for a change of pressure and tempo.

2.     Give her a nose job.

Have you ever touched the tip of your nose? It has a unique spring-like texture that offers the perfect balance between firm and flexible. Apply a drop of lube and run your nose down the center of her vulva -- roll it around in large circle around the edges or slide it right inside as you nod your head up and down and back and forth. Breathe deeply and let your natural sounds flow freely to let her know just how much you love it.

3.     Create a delicious suction cup while you roll your tongue.

Open your mouth as wide as you can and press it against her vulva. Suck away as your roll your tongue around the edges of your lips to create your own suction cup. 

4.     Use the palm of your hand.

Forget fingering (for now) and use your entire hand to take her pleasure to new heights. Place a flat hand against her vulva (as though you’re cupping it) and apply pressure as you slide up and down. You’ll need lots of lube for this one!

5.     Pay attention to the Mons Veneris.

Also known as the Venus Mound, the soft patch of skin above the vulva is the key to orgasm for many women, as sucking, stroking and rubbing this region also massages the shaft of her inner clitoris. While you’re going down on her, use three fingers to gently press upward on the bottom section of her Venus Mound while using her hip movements and breath patterns to guide your rhythm. 

6.     Stroke the legs and bulbs of her clitoris.

Her inner clitoris is just as important as the pearl-like head that peers over the top of her vulva -- the legs and bulbs can be stimulated through her labia with the right amount of pressure. Use the tip of your tongue to tease between her lips during the early stages of foreplay and use your lips and cheeks (covered in lube) to increase the pressure.

As she gets closer to orgasm, stroke your tongue from the head of her clitoris right down to the fourchette (where the lips meet at the bottom) while pressing your thumbs firmly into the fleshy parts of her outer lips so that she has a grounded surface against which to grind.

7.     Give her a hummer.

It’s no surprise that vibrators are growing in popularity, so try combining oral sex with her favorite vibe to give her the best of both worlds. You can stretch a flexible vibrating toy around your tongue, hold a small flat toy against her Venus Mound or simply moan deeply while you’re eating her out to create natural vibrations.

8.     Talk with your mouth full.

Forget your manners and talk while you’re down there to let her know just how much you love it. Tell her how good it feels, how hot she looks and just how badly you want to taste her.

9.     Pulse.

During orgasm, she experiences a series of contractions that begin in the pelvic region, but can spread across the body in waves of pleasure. To induce these orgasmic contractions and increase their intensity, press a wide flat surface (for example, your tongue, the palm of your hand or a flat vibrating toy) against the length of her vulva or the head of her clitoris and pulse gently. 

10.  Try a new position.

Most couples engage in oral with the receiving partner on their back. This not only limits their sexual repertoire, but the repetition can render even the hottest techniques boring. Change things up with these suggestions: 

       ●       Flip her onto her stomach. ●       Ask her to get down all fours. ●       Pull her legs off the side of the bed.●       Have her bend one leg up onto the couch while standing. ●       Place her ankles in her hands while she lies on her back. ●       Let her sit on your face and wrap her legs right around you. ●       Lie on your sides facing one another. ●       Lift her onto the kitchen counter and pull up a chair.

You don’t need a special occasion to bring some new techniques into the bedroom. After all, why not try a few of these tips on your next encounter with your special someone? Not sure where to start? Don’t be afraid to ask your partner what sounds best to them -- after all, sometimes talking about sex is all the foreplay you’ll need. Of course, if you’re planning on trying anything new in the bedroom, make sure you’ve got your lube ready.

How to Give The World’s Sexiest Massage

After a long, hard day at work, would you rather come home to a soothing massage or a wild night in the bedroom? If you have to choose one, the decision might be tougher than you think. Whether you’re on your feet all day or hunched in a chair, chances are a nice, relaxing rubdown is just as enticing as a mind-blowing orgasm once the workday’s over.

So why not have both?

Nothing can put you in the mood quite like a sexy massage — but few things can ruin the mood quite as quickly as a massage gone horribly wrong. Too much pressure? Your partner might end up in more pain than they were in when you started. Using the wrong lubricant? A full body massage feels great until it turns into a full body rash.

With that said, all it takes is a little basic massage know-how, and a lot of sexy details, to turn sensual massage into your new go-to foreplay technique.

The Benefits of a Sexy Massage

We get it — of the various types of foreplay, sensual massage takes a little more work. After all, who hasn’t lovingly obliged their partner’s request for a massage, only to complain of sore arms just a few minutes later? Luckily, if you do it right, the only limit to the length of your massage is how desperately you’ll want to jump on your partner and get to the sexy part.

Let’s take a look at some of the benefits of a sensual massage:

●      Massage can provide great pain relief. 

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way. If your back is aching or your legs are sore, you’re probably not as excited about having sex as you would normally be. Instead of springing for the Ibuprofen and spending another sexless night watching Netflix, it might be the perfect opportunity to receive (and give!) a sensual massage! Massage eases the muscle tension that can cause soreness, as well as reduce inflammation and improve blood flow, all of which lead to a reduction in pain.

●      Relaxation and sex go hand in hand. 

If fear of performance issues makes it harder for you to get turned on, a nice, relaxing sexy massage can help take the edge off your stress — and that might be just what you need to get going. Just melt into your mattress as your partner rubs away your tension. You may even find that you get aroused even before you get to the sexy part, and there’s a very good reason for that...

●      Massage stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system.

The parasympathetic nervous system is commonly known as the “rest and digest” system (as opposed to the sympathetic, or “fight or flight” nervous system). That’s because your parasympathetic nervous system is activated during sleep and digestion, two body functions your body prioritises during times of low stress. Think of it this way: when our ancestors went hunting, they needed that fight or flight reaction to detect danger and run from predators. When they stopped hunting, they could prioritise things like sleep, eating their food and sex.

That’s right — because massage stimulates your parasympathetic nervous system, you may become sexually aroused during massage, even if it’s not a sexy massage. But if it is a sexy massage, those are the perfect conditions for taking your evening a little further.

●      Massage is one of the sexiest forms of exercise. 

Sex can be a great workout in and of itself, but did you know that a 68 kilogram person burns 282 calories an hour giving a massage? That’s about as much as if you spent that hour walking. 

●      Sensual massage is a huge turn-on for the giver. 

When was the last time you really relished your partner’s body? Try undressing your partner and slowly running your hands over every muscle and tantalising curve for more than five minutes without feeling incredibly turned on. Seriously. We dare you.

 9 Essential Steps For Giving a Mind-Blowing Sensual Massage

If the thought of spending a night trading sexy massages is already getting you hot and bothered, it’s time to learn how to do it right! While you don’t need to be an expert to give a mouth-watering sensual massage (even on the first try!), it helps to have a few extra tools in your toolbox. Let’s take a look at everything you should do to make it an unforgettable night:

1.     Decide what kinds of sensations you want to add to your sexy massage.

Remember that you aren’t just limited to your hands when you give a massage! While you can do a lot of magic just with what you were born with, a sensual massage gives you plenty of opportunities to get creative with touch. Just ask Andrea Renae (@theandrearenae), a Los Angeles based sex educator and consultant:

“Before you get all oiled up, use feather ticklers, silk ties, mini whips, ice cubes, vibrators or other toys over your partner's skin to tempt and tease. Get creative and DIY (do it yourself)! Anything in your home with an interesting texture can become a sensation toy.”

Her favourite sexy massage addition? “Use a blindfold! By taking one sense (sight) away, you will enhance the others. The other benefit of a blindfold is that your partner can't see what you're up to, so you can keep them on edge and surprise them the entire time.”

2.     Choose a lubricant.

There are two basic forces you want when giving a massage: drag, which is the slight pulling sensation you feel on the skin due to friction, and glide, which allows you to move up and down the tissue easily and fluidly. A good massage involves a combination of drag and glide. Too much drag, and you can irritate your partner’s skin, making the experience uncomfortable or even painful. Too much glide, and your strokes will be entirely surface level, and your partner won’t feel that relaxation deeper in the muscles.

This is why using the right lubricant, and in the right amounts, is so important. Luckily, this is another place where you can get creative. Maybe you have a favourite lotion, or a fragrance you know will get your partner going. (As for fragrance, lavender is thought to be calming, while ylang ylang is thought to be sexually arousing. Jasmine is another sensual favourite. Get creative!)

This is another great opportunity to play with sensations. You can make things hot with a warming lubricant, or add some sweet strawberry kisses all over. Or, if you want to make things extra hot, you can even try massage candles.

“Massage candles create an all around sensual experience,” says Renae. “Just light them up, watch the message oil pool around the top, and then pour gently over your partner's skin. These candles set the mood with sexy lighting, leave the room smelling good, and provide you with an oil that's already warm to the touch.”

Of course, there’s nothing saying you have to limit yourself to one lubricant for your sexy massage, so you can try a combination of different sensations to keep the evening interesting.

There is only one cardinal rule when it comes to choosing a lubricant for a full body massage: you need to make sure it plays nicely with your partner’s skin. Your favorite lotion may have a scent that makes you groan with delight, but it could also make your partner squeal in pain. Remember to patch test any lubricant before you use it all over your partner’s (or your) body.

3.     Set the mood.

Make the bed with your silkiest sheets. Dim the lights. Light a candle, or maybe twenty candles. Choose a relaxing playlist of classic slow jams — nothing too loud or fast, so that you strike the right balance between sensual and relaxing. (May we recommend the sublime “Rocket” by Queen Bey?) Slip into the sexiest outfit you can comfortably move around in. Remember: this should be relaxing for both of you!

Here’s an important tip: remember that your boo will be naked throughout the course of the massage, so make sure the room is a comfortable temperature. The warmer the room, the more relaxed their muscles will be, but you don’t want them to be drenched in sweat, either. Well, at least not just yet!

Once you’ve created your own little oasis inside your home, invite your partner in using a soft, soothing voice. Let them know exactly what you plan to do to them, one step at a time.

4.     Undress your partner.

This is a full body massage, so your partner will need to start out in the buff. Take this opportunity to tease them. Remember, they’re going to have to lie there until the massage is over before the sex happens, so make it as torturous as possible.

5.     Lock eyes before you lay your hands on your partner.

“Taking a couple of minutes before a massage with your partner and try to communicate your deepest feelings without words,” says  Madeleine Castellanos (@drcastellanos), NYC-based sex therapist and author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive. “It actually helps to align your heart and mind with your partner’s in the subtlest way. In other words, dare to stare.”

6.     Start your partner face down, and massage the back, buttocks and legs.

With your partner in a prone position on the bed, stand on one side with your front knee bent, weight on your back leg. This stance will allow you to use your body weight for a longer, less physically exhausting sensual massage.

Place a pillow under your partner’s ankles to help align the spine in a neutral position and keep them comfortable throughout the sexy massage. To massage the back, lubricate your hands well and begin with long, light strokes up the muscles on either side of the spine. Remember that you want to warm up the tissue before you apply too much pressure, or else you can cause pain. Focus on relaxing your partner at first, not trying to fix their back ache.

Pay attention to every part of the back, from the upper back and neck to the lower back. Try experimenting with pressure, from light strokes that barely brush the skin to deep strokes that ease muscle tension. Then, move on to the buttocks, thighs, and calves, taking your time with each part.

7.     Flip your partner over and massage the shoulders, arms, chest, legs and feet.

This is where things get really interesting, because you and your partner can make eye contact. This is the perfect time to ramp up the teasing, but don’t get too X-rated just yet — you want to save the best for last. 

Place a pillow under your partner’s knees for a more comfortable supine position, and begin by kneading the muscles in the shoulders, then moving to the arms. Gently brush your nails against the inside of the elbows and the wrists. Work your way down the torso and to the legs, making sure to tease your partner’s inner thighs and most intimate areas only briefly.

Make sure to spend plenty of time on the feet. Not only do feet take a lot of abuse throughout the day, but they’re incredibly sensitive. If you’re into tickle play, they’re perfect fodder. If you have a foot fetish, even better!

8.     Add some dirty talk.

As you go over your partner’s full body with your hands (and/or other toys), narrate what you’re doing to each body part and how much you love it. Whisper in your partner’s ear. Make them feel like the sexiest person on the planet. Tell your partner in explicit detail what you plan on doing to them after the massage is over. They’ll be squirming by the time you get to the feet — if you can even make it that far.

9.     Finish off the sexy massage.

If you and your partner want, you may opt to bring them to orgasm with your hands for a relaxing, climactic treat, while you take care of the work. Or, you might use the end of your sensual massage to transition to oral sex or intercourse. Whatever you fancy, chances are good that by now, you and your partner will be hot and ready to go.

One of the best parts of giving a sensual massage is that by the end, you’ll know your partner’s body, and what makes them feel good, better than ever before.

12 Unique Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship

Sexual chemistry is both a science and an art. As an art form, it requires communication, an open-mind and time to flourish. As a science, however, the chemical changes we experience during lust and love are fairly consistent and can be broken down into two stages: lust/limerence and companionship/attachment.

During the lust or limerence phase of a relationship, your body experiences a flurry of chemical changes as dopamine, adrenaline and serotonin levels spike. Your brain resembles that of a drug user as you experience a natural high from falling in love. Your energy levels increase and your need for sleep may subside as your focus revolves around your new love interest. You’re simultaneously nervous, excited and blissful. Love, in its initial stages, can be blind as you subconsciously fill in the blanks with positive data to supplement the exciting unknown. You don’t notice your paramour’s bad habits and your optimism shines through.

After several months of blind love, couples generally transition into the companionate or attachment phase which is marked by commitment, comfort and security. This phase is associated with the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which are believed to promote bonding and increase during sexual activity and physical affection.

Reigniting the spark in a relationship often involves engaging in activities that remind the brain and body of the lustful phase of love. These activities might create mystery, excitement and even anxiety, but ultimately they result in chemical processes involving dopamine, adrenalin and serotonin. Even the happiest couples find that excitement and sexual desire wane with time, so experiment with the tips below to spice up your relationship (and be sure to also check out our quick tips for maintaining connection and promoting attachment).

1.  Create secrets together. You and your friends may share inside jokes that foster a unique connection, but creating secrets that are just between you and your lover is one way to heighten sexual chemistry.
   
   Slip away at a dinner party for a heavy make out session or try something risky (to boost adrenaline) like sneaking into a park after hours. When you break the rules together (within reason), the shared adrenaline boost helps to rekindle the feelings associated with limerence. I’ve met couples who tap into their naughty sides by sharing dirty little secrets like snooping through friends’ medicine cabinets at parties. Though I don’t recommend this particular habit, I have seen evidence that misbehaving together can keep a relationship exciting.
2.  Make a public declaration of your love. Sometimes, bringing a relationship out into the open can spice things up. Try sending flowers to your partner’s office, or simply embrace them in public.
3.  Do something naked together. Whether you slip away to the lake to skinny dip or simply shed your clothes in the kitchen while preserving fruits on the weekend, the nerves and exhilaration associated with being nude in a vulnerable situation can create a renewed thrill.
4.  Daydream and make plans for winning the lottery. When you first meet, you spend time dreaming of the future and creating (often) unrealistic plans. Tapping into shared fantasies offers a temporary sense of escapism and can boost dopamine levels.
5.  Admire others together. Expressing attraction and admiration for other men and women is normal and healthy. Many couples find that opening up about their natural feelings not only enlivens their attraction to one another, but it also deepens their connection.
6.  Sleep on the other side of the bed. This is just one example of how you can break your routine to reduce predictability and reawaken your partner’s interest. Other examples might include buying new underwear, restyling your hair, playing pranks, changing the way you greet your partner (e.g. picking them up with a bear hug or jumping into their lap) or giving them a new pet name.
7.  Surprise one another with schedule changes. Part of the excitement that you experienced in the beginning was related to the unpredictability of your love interest, but as you build a life together, a certain degree of predictability is both inherent and functional.
   
   You can, however, overdo it. If you always know when something is going to happen, the thrill inevitably subsides, so change things up to surprise your partner. Show up for lunch unannounced, come home early, schedule a late-start, cancel plans to create openings for alone time or skip the gym unexpectedly so that you can have a spontaneous date.
8.  Change one thing in your bedroom every month. Sex in a hotel while on holiday is often hotter and more frequent than sex in your home, so recreate that getaway atmosphere in your bedroom to jumpstart your sex life. Add new pillows, change the color of your lightbulbs, rearrange the furniture, update your sheets, leave your toys out or add hotel touches (e.g. chocolates on the pillow or an ice bucket with champagne) to break the visual monotony of your home base.
9.  Say thank you every morning. Practicing gratitude is associated with improved health, happiness and longevity, but in relationships it also improves intimacy and causes surges in attraction. Try waking up with a “thank you” every morning for the next week. It will change your mood as well as your partner’s. You might thank your partner for their love, their positive outlook, their energy, their parenting, their beauty or their ongoing support, but try to change it up each day.
10.  Sweat together. Try a partnered yoga routine or try a free at-home workout from FitnessBlender.com, a site run by a husband and wife personal training team. Couples who exercise together are more likely to reach their fitness goals and working out boosts hormones that elevate mood, libido and sexual functioning.
11.  Retell the story of your first date. How’d you meet for the first time? Where did you go? How did you feel? Recall the feelings of excitement and anticipation you experienced when you first met – chances are, if you can bring yourself back to that same place, your bedroom might get a little more active.
12.  Go to haunted house, shooting range or amusement park. When your adrenaline gets pumping – especially with your partner – you’re going to probably want to spend that energy. Just try to make it home first!

Nurturing your sense of adventure will help you reignite those powerful feelings and give you tons of new memories to share. Ready to try something new but still aren’t quite sure where to start? Why not ease into things by trying out a new formula of Astroglide? Surprise your partner with your free sample and see where the excitement takes you!

8 Tips for Planning a Couples Retreat at Home

Finding time to truly be alone together isn’t easy for any couple, which is why many partners are willing to pay thousands of dollars to attend a couples retreat, even if it’s only for a weekend. Unfortunately, not all of us have that kind of money to spend, and even if you do, not everyone is up for the other activities that may be involved, from group therapy with complete strangers to sleeping in cobweb-cluttered cabins in the middle of nowhere.

Here’s the good news — you can create a couples retreat right in your very own home. It’s cheap, it’s fun, and when it comes to building a healthy relationship, it’s definitely worth it. Use these tips to do it yourself:

1. Clear Your Calendar. Obviously you can’t have a couple’s retreat if one of you is at work or babysitting your nephews. So get together and block out a weekend when you both can commit FULLY to each other.
2. Tackle Your To-Do List. A couples retreat is all about focusing on each other — not the laundry or the bills or that weird stain on your bathroom ceiling that seems to keep growing. Take care of these things beforehand so they don’t distract you later.
3. Unplug So You Can Unwind. Let your friends, family and even your coworkers know you won’t be answering texts, calls or emails. Then put your devices somewhere where you can’t even see them. This time is for you two, and no one else.
4. Pitch a Tent or Build a Fort. Shaking up your routine can help you get out of a relationship rut, and changing how you sleep is one easy way to do it! Try pitching a tent in the backyard or building a fort in the middle of your living room — it’s the perfect place to enjoy your Netflix marathon!
5. Spring for Good Eats. You’ll hear it more in nutritional articles than you will in lists of relationship tips, but you really are what you eat. If you want your partnership to be passionate and romantic, eat a meal together that makes you feel that way! Red wine and lasagna, chocolate-dipped strawberries, or whatever food gets you in the mood — spring for the good stuff and have all of your ingredients on-hand so you don’t have to interrupt your couples retreat for a grocery run.
6. Ban Stressful Topics. Where are the in-laws staying when they come to town next month? How will you pay down that high-interest credit card? What’s wrong with politicians these days? These topics and ones like them WILL NOT be discussed during your couples retreat. Create a list of the things that stress you out, write them down, and agree NOT to talk about them during your retreat.
7. Be Bold in the Bedroom. Have you been thinking of trying out some new sex positions? Using flavoured lube? Seeing what it’d be like to tie up your partner or have them blindfold you? Your couples retreat is the perfect time to experiment. So buy some new toys, request a free sample of a new formula of Astroglide, and think outside of that bedroom box!
8. Don’t Forget to Play. Above all, your couples retreat should be fun. So do what makes you smile, whether it’s playing Halo or watching cheesy horror movies. You can even spice things up at the same time by adding a sexy twist to your favourite activities — try writing sexy dares on the sides of Jenga blocks or playing an old-fashioned game of strip poker!

The best thing about having a couples retreat at home? You can do it over and over again — so don’t feel pressured to make everything perfect on your first try. You’ll learn what works and what doesn’t as you go, and you can use what you learn to make each couples retreat you plan even more awesome!